Dear Applicant,
Thank you for applying to the Falcon Summer Institute for Advanced Research. Our vast applicant pool this year showcased students of diverse talents and impressive displays of overachievement. Even among this competitive group, your submission stood out as unusually memorable to our admissions team, so you had the honor of receiving this special message.
We are pleased to inform you that your application materials have been fully reviewed with the utmost care and attention. In fact, some of our admissions officers found them worthy of repeated examination. They investigated every detail so closely that not a single character, symbol or pixel was overlooked.
Our admissions team reached a consensus after many hours of discussion, prolonged debates and moments of intense disagreement. Although we hoped for a more favorable outcome, we have no choice but to follow the realities of our selection process. We understand this decision may not align with your expectations, and we acknowledge the difficult emotions this message may bring. With heavy hearts, we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a placement in our program this summer.
Upon reading your personal statement, one of our admissions officers was immediately brought to tears. She says your essay was life changing — it gave her a major existential crisis over her career. Other officers claim that your short responses were simply outstanding. They were so impressed that they briefly forgot the existence of the word “rejection” before facing the reality — there are just not enough spots.
Remember, decisions like these don’t dictate your future, so we ask you to refrain from having a mental breakdown. Your personal and academic qualifications gave us great confidence in your potential to receive more letters like this one. Always believe in yourself, as you will achieve greatness no matter what … just not with us this summer.
We hope you’ll think of us again and we look forward to receiving, reviewing and ultimately rejecting your application a second time.
Wishing you the very best of luck,
Mona Chen
Humor Editor, Office of Falcon Admission Decisions
