Many people are surprised when I stand next to my siblings, because they see multiple families at once. I’m the youngest of four; my older sister Emily and brother Eugene — who are twins — are a whopping 16 years older than me; my other brother Eric is eight years older.
To strangers, we look like random people who got squished into the same photo. I even joke that they’re my personal bodyguards, but truly, we’re simply just one big, loving family crossing different generations.
However, the big age gap cuts like a double-edged sword; with many of my siblings pursuing careers outside the home and well into adulthood, it means our house is quieter than it used to be — it’s mostly just me much of the time.
Despite all the catfights I’ve had with Eric about the mysterious appearance of the socks on my bed, I haven’t gotten to know Eugene and Emily that well. Sometimes, I catch myself wishing I were a bit older, so I wouldn’t feel like an only child in a family with four kids.
My siblings and I rarely lived the same life at the same time. From Eric taking on internships in the Midwest to me at home just beginning to learn sophomore-year chemistry, our mismatched chapters in life made the house quiet and sometimes lonely; it also made me mature faster.
Around older siblings, I’ve learned to give space, appreciate small acts of care and empathize with others.
My bond with Eric was weak at first. Back when I was a little elementary schooler, and he was in high school, I always pestered him to play “Mario Kart” with me as he practiced clarinet, pulled all-nighters and stressed about maintaining his grades.
As the most spoiled and youngest child in the family, I never really knew what giving distance was. I couldn’t stand it when Eric brushed me off to do his own thing, and his avoidance slowly led to a growing sense of resentment toward him.
One day, when my mom told me that he had packed and left for college overnight, my heart immediately sank with regret. I was surprised how sad I was — I didn’t want less of him, just a friend at home.
As I grew through middle school, I realized how much I had overlooked his compassion when he was still at home: He’d slide me some McDonald’s fries at the drive-through and drive me home. The regret ate me deeper as I realized that I didn’t appreciate the small moments we had together when he was still living at home.
Now, whenever my brother visits from Chicago, I always hug him and update him on my high school life, as long as he’s not busy at work. It’s something that I wish I had done earlier, but knowing that we have both matured feels like a fresh start. It gave us the chance to be the kind of siblings we always wanted to be when we were both kids.
Watching him struggle to find a job at a difficult time for college graduates, while I tried to balance my homework in high school, has taught me to empathize with others. As we shared different hardships and life lessons, our bond slowly healed. Today, I still try to text or spend time with Eric, even though high school keeps me busy.
What about the twins? Although I wish I could’ve spent more time with them, it brings me so much joy to see them going on about their own lives. At every family reunion, it’s always so fascinating to see what they’re up to — my older brother got married and my sister adopted a dog. We might not have had a shared childhood, but we’re still making new memories together right now.
As the years pass, not only do my siblings enjoy their precious moments of adulthood, but time also ticks down as my parents approach old age. My mom puts it simply whenever I talk to her about the future.
“When I’m gone, it will only be you and your siblings who will keep loving each other like family,” she said.
Today, my parents and I still host a weekly call on Saturdays with our whole family (including my new sister-in-law!). Even if I end up sleeping through it, I still carry the promise that my siblings and I will always be there for each other during times of hardship and celebration.
It was ultimately because of my siblings that I started to embrace the moments in the present. With every dinner and holiday gathering, I make sure to enjoy every second I still have with them, no matter how down I feel. I regret our early years, but cherishing the small moments with them makes up for the lost connection.
We may not have had the same childhood, but we are still creating the one we should’ve had together out of the precious moments we have left — and we’ll be the ones to keep the family connection going.
