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The Saratoga Falcon

The Saratoga Falcon

The Saratoga Falcon

America’s sorrow: What will we do without Bush?

Sure, there have been disputes as to whether George W. Bush was “competent” or “intelligent,” but when it comes down to the wire, it is indisputable that United States is missing him dearly.

First and foremost, since Obama took office, America lost one of its best sources of entertainment. Comedians everywhere have taken it upon themselves to make Bush a pinnacle of humor. Without anyone to say things like “they never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and so are we,” comedians have been dealt a cruel blow. America will lose the laughter and jokes about everyone’s favorite president that binds us together as a nation.

Generating laughter, however, was not Bush’s only talent. He was a great inspiration and aid to America’s children. One of the more significant questions Bush so eloquently posed was: “Is our children learning?”

He was a great contributor to the education of America’s children, and with him out of office, education will be severely undermined. Parents have always told us that mistakes are a good thing; they help us learn and grow. With Bush out of office, there’s a fairly good chance fewer mistakes will be made. That means fewer learning opportunities for the masses. Hence, with Bush out of office, America will be a less educated country altogether.

He has also created a fine economic recession in America, clearly with the intention of furthering his education goal. Without a real-life recession to watch, kids will have a difficult time understanding the conflicts money can bring. But that’s not the only horror of a stable America. With a financially stable future, bargains could potentially become a thing of the past. When people actually have jobs, things won’t need to be priced lower, and Americans will no longer experience the thrill of finding a garment 50 percent off.

In addition to America’s imminent spiritual and educational downfall, it is also inevitable that our defenses will crumble without Bush. Without the practice of the constant war in Iraq and Afghanistan, soldiers will get lazy and out of shape. Our nation will soon become weak and unable to defend itself and be at the mercy of the rest of the world.

A lesser-known yet equally severe conflict that will arise after Bush is removed from office is the impending uprising of the nation’s fish, which he planned to pacify by preserving dams in the Pacific Northwest. In his speech about these dams, he backed up his plan with uplifting words: “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” Without Bush’s conciliatory words of wisdom, how will America ever keep the fish from embarking on their quest for world conquest?

Despite the frequent complaints and occasional media uprisings concerning Bush’s “poor leadership” or “moronic ideas,” losing him could potentially be one of the most devastating events to occur in American history. Once Bush lamented a sticky predicament by astutely observing that a magical wand could clear up the America’s problems, “but the president doesn’t have a magic wand.” The man is a marvel. He changed each American life forever, even without the aid of a magical stick to guide him. President Bush, you’ve strengthened our education, boosted our morale and tightened our defenses. Your quick mind and tender heart have made this nation a better place. And for that, President Bush, America salutes you.

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