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The Saratoga Falcon

The Saratoga Falcon

The Saratoga Falcon

There’s more to sports than wearing that jersey, right?


Do you want to get ripped (or at least somewhat in shape)? Have you always dreamed of being the star of the football team? Do you yearn to parade around the school with that red and white uniform? If you replied "yes" to any of these three questions, then the holy haven of high school jockdom awaits you. Soccer, badminton, track, even cheerleading—there's a sport for (almost) everyone!

Luckily for most high school students, becoming a jock is fairly simple. With one easy payment of $275, you can join a sport team of your choosing. A wide variety of sports are fresh for the picking. Even better, you don't even have to be the star of the team to claim the title of "jock."
When we say anyone, we mean anyone!

There are, however, a couple of prerequisites for becoming one of the big men and women on campus. First, you need to rearrange your closet. Basketball shorts, sports jacket, high socks and anything with a name and number on the back will need to fill your wardrobe. Those tank tops are also great to show off your athleticism and narcissism.

Next, we're going to mix up that iTunes library of yours. Say goodbye to Mozart, Beethoven and Bach, because classical music is as out as "Like a G6" will be in a few months. You'll need to stock up on good old rock n' roll. Don't let anyone catch you with that peppy pop on your playlist.

And, of course, you have to play the part. Don't just say you're a jock. Be a jock. Believe you're the star of the JV football team. This may require a good deal of acting, unfortunately, so some "props" can improve your performance. Remember, a "Letz go!" and a fist pump can spice up any situation. And don't hesitate to show off those toned badminton muscles. Anyway, why else would people spend endless hours lifting in the gyms other than to look good in that sports uniform? … Well, if you care, I guess working out can help you compete better, too.
If you can meet these requirements, you too can take your rightful place among the glorified athletes of Saratoga High.

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