Top 10: worst questions to ask at a family gathering

January 25, 2023 — by William Norwood
Photo by Annie Liu
My yearly family dinner conversation.
Family gatherings are always slightly awkward, but these prying questions make them ten times worse.
  1. How is newspaper?

It is sometimes best not to ask, because I do not need to tell you about my frequent arguments with a certain editor-in-chief in the middle of a spreadsheet check.

  1. How are your friends?

I don’t care how close you think we are — I am never going to discuss my many dysfunctional and toxic relationships with you. 

  1. How are your grades?

Discussing Chemistry Honors grades — or any grade for that matter — should solely be restricted to my ranting to my friends.

  1. Why do you not visit us more often?

However I answer this, I am digging myself into a deeper hole.

  1. You’ve lost weight, have you stopped eating?

I do not want to converse about my eating patterns or my diet. We are here to see you. Say hello and go home.

  1. Have you been exercising?

This is no different than asking about my weight and eating. So again: Be quiet. I do not want to be judged by a middle aged adult about my body.

  1. Who do you think the next president should be?

Respectfully it’s probably not the same choice as you.

  1. Don’t you want to work in the tech industry?

No. I do not want to go to college, learn about computer science, make some money and die a semi-rich, lonely pervert.

  1. How are you?

No matter how I truly am, I will always be “good.” I could be on the edge, but I am still “good” to you.

  1. Are you dating anyone?

Hahahahaha. Go away. I am still alone …

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