Top 10 ways for a non-fan to survive Super Bowl LII January 29, 2018 — by Jay Kim and Victor Liu Permalink 10. Know which teams are playing in the Super Bowl this year: No, it’s not going to be the Warriors and Earthquakes. 9. Place your bets: Oh wait, we can’t condone gambling in a school newspaper. 8. This isn’t college football: Keep the “Roll Tides” at home. 7. Fake it till you make it: Be sure to name drop a couple players’ names like they’re proper nouns in APUSH. Use buzzwords like rub routes and “Red Zone” and GOAT for bonus points. 6. Choose a team to back: Buy both Patriot and Eagles jerseys so you can change at halftime, depending on the score. 5. Drink lots of water: You don’t need to stay hydrated on the field, but you can avoid sports talk when you go to the bathroom for the 15th time. 4. Budget your weekend properly: You’ll spend over three hours watching the ball be in play for 11 minutes. 3. Asdjfdjhbfjkshkmuxuftsjfhztubbyqwetunchakso: Keep your mouth full with Doritos and guac so you don’t have to expose your lack of football knowledge. Throw in a fist pump afterwards to feign excitement. 2. “Unbelievable:” The phrase works whether your team is winning or losing. 1. Know who’s performing at halftime: Perfect hitting those high-pitched Justin Timberlake notes.