Top 10 things to give Santa this Christmas

December 3, 2020 — by Eileen Bui and Justin Guo


  1. Coronavirus. That is, if he doesn’t already get it from visiting every house in the world.
  2. Nothing. Maybe the real gift was the friends we made along the way. 
  3. Something. It’s a Secret, Santa. 
  4. A GPS. I mean, he can’t seem to find my house every year.
  5. An unpaid high school intern. They’ll do anything as long as it goes on their college resumes. 
  6. A search warrant. You know, to prevent future breaking and entering charges. 
  7. New reindeer. The average lifetime of a reindeer is only around 15 to 18 years. How is Rudolph still alive?
  8. A therapy session session. It’s always “Where’s Santa?” but never “How is Santa?” 
  9. Your college application. Wait, do colleges even do mail in apps anymore? 
  10. Coal. Give him a taste of his own medicine.