An open letter to Donald Trump

Dear Mr. Trump,

Or, if I may, “The Donald.”

Congratulations. You are winning.

You have pretended to run for president four times, first in 1988 when you used a dirty word to describe the Supreme Leader of Iran and finally in 2015, when you decided to run for real.

You chose the worst possible year, my friend — there are currently 17 GOP candidates.

Yet you’re still winning. By a lot. In spite of your consistent use of profanity to describe complex economic principles and your seemingly unending series of racist and sexist statements, you are leading the polls for the Republican race. The next most popular GOP candidate, according to a Monmouth poll, is Ben Carson, who trails you by 12 percent.

Given that 53 percent of your campaign donations have gone to Democratic (or “Socialist,” in your lingo) candidates, your lead is somewhat surprising. But your past doesn’t matter, right? You have, after all, had an epiphany that transformed your views to mirror those of a 50-year-old redneck who refers to the Civil War as “The Great Northern Invasion.”

What does matter is that people know where you stand.  You believe in your “infallible” foreign policy, which involves lambasting China for causing global warming to damage the American economy. And you believe you are the most qualified candidate to run the economy, which quite frankly, baffles me. 

For the record, your investment portfolio includes projects such as the “Trump Taj Mahal” in Atlantic City, which went bankrupt, like many of your other financial endeavors. Great work.

So why, then, do people think you’re qualified to run our country?

Because this — your meteoric rise to political stardom — is just a byproduct of circumstances.

For years, political participation has declined steadily. In 2008, 63 percent of eligible voters showed up to the polls; in 2012, just 57.5 percent turned out.

People are fed up and disillusioned by the rise of “professional politicians,” or people who hold political office for a living.

But the most recent Fox News presidential debate attracted a record 24 million viewers. Why?

Granted, there are countless factors that could have contributed to this, but your presence on that stage played a significant role.

You are not an experienced politician, but you are an interesting person. You don’t speak in predictable soundbites.

Let’s consider your immigration policy. Among your various suggestions is building a Great Wall of America with a “big, beautiful door” that welcomes legal immigrants.

Besides the politically incorrect allusion to “keeping out invaders” using a Great Wall (which failed the last time it was constructed), this revitalized otherwise boring oration. By now, people have stopped caring about your solutions to America’s problems; they care only about your outrageous opinions.

You’re not the Cicero of American Politics, though. You’re actually terrible at public speaking, and, like Hillary Clinton, you don’t know how to smile.

But at least your speeches are fun to watch. The editors of the Huffington Post are so impressed with your antics that your election coverage is featured in their “Entertainment” section.

In spite of your horrendous oratory skills, the sheer absurdity of your claims captivates millions who are either impressed with or disgusted by your arguments.

Either way, listening to the extent of the foolishness that escapes your mouth is fascinating. You have challenged Sen. John McCain’s war hero status, picked a needless and demeaning fight with debate mediator Megyn Kelly and recently attacked the appearance of fellow GOP candidate Carly Fiorina. It’s been quite a feat, even for you. But then, of course, you are the first person to be featured on “We Shall Overcomb”  campaign posters.

You have successfully made politics in America interesting again. You have inspired thousands of people to vote because they just hate (or worship) you that much. In a way, you have saved the American political process by ensuring greater representation.

And for this, we kowtow beneath your golden mane and kiss your designer shoes.

You’re a real hero, Donald. Just ask John McCain.