Netflix: Call me when you’re ready for your best reality show contestant yet

April 1, 2024 — by Caitlin Stoiber
Graphic by Caitlin Stoiber
While other contestants choose to spend their time arguing with each other, I’m happy to live my best life on the sidelines.
With new romance reality TV shows coming to Netflix each year, I firmly stand by my opinion that not having me on their shows is a seriously missed opportunity.  

On Dec. 12, Netflix released the third season of the popular romance reality TV series, “Single’s Inferno.” In the show, nine single — and coincidentally drop dead gorgeous — young adults live together on an island for eight days and attempt to find their true love. Each episode, the contestants choose who they want to take with them to Paradise, a lavish resort where the couples get to know one another better, which we as an audience observe through sickeningly sweet montages. 

As a kid in the first generations to be born into a world of technology, I’ve seen my fair share of TV throughout my 16 years, so I can confidently consider myself an expert in reality shows. And all my years of research (binge-watching shows) have led me to the same conclusion: I would be a really good person to have on a reality show. 

Though I consider reality TV to be tacky, I won’t deny that I’d have a lot of fun being on one. Not only that, but I would really change things up and bring new ideas instead of overused content. 

 Take “Single’s Inferno” as an example: When it comes time to choose someone to go to Paradise with, there’s a catch. Two people must choose each other in order to go. If I were to choose someone who didn’t pick me, then I’d be out of luck. 

But here’s the thing: I’d want to go to Paradise every chance I could get. Rather than looking for a chance at romance, I’d want to experience the food, the fun activities and have a chance to take a break from the drama on the beach.  

Even with all the fancy editing and well-timed music that swells at all the right moments, I know contestants have to at least consider that the likelihood of finding real love on a show like that is, well, unlikely. Additionally, having only eight days to find “true love” is nearly impossible, even for the most romantic person. 

So, if I was a contestant on “Single’s Inferno,” I’d use that to my advantage. I’d find someone who — like me — is just there to have fun and relax, and make a pact with them. Each time, we would choose each other to go to Paradise. 

And Netflix, before you brush the idea off, hear me out. With all the drama the other contestants will inevitably be causing, a little stability can actually be beneficial.

As a longtime viewer of reality shows like this, I like when I can see a dependable duo I can root for, a stark contrast from the drama and stress of other contestants. 

The basic premise of a “Single’s Inferno” episode typically follows this: a guy is debating if he should pick Girl A to go to Paradise, has a painstakingly long conversation with her without saying really anything, decides to choose her, but then has virtually the same conversation with Girl B, externally debates with himself in his solo interviews and then randomly chooses Girl C in the end.

If everything is constantly shifting, I can’t emotionally attach myself to a couple, which makes the show more boring to me. But if there’s a constant and reliable relationship that I know I’m always going to see, then I’m more interested in consistently watching the show. 

If I was on the show, I wouldn’t be creating any drama. Overtime, watching the same cliche arguments also gets tiring, and it’s hard to resist the urge to skip ahead in the episode. Having someone like me who changes things up by being less dramatic would ironically be more appealing to viewers like me.

Don’t get me wrong — seeing people gossip and argue on reality shows is great, but I’d also want to see some people who aren’t in constant emotional peril, especially by the third season as it gets repetitive. It seems to me that everyone there is always so emotionally stressed, so it would be refreshing to see someone who wasn’t worried about that.

Reality shows are a fun way to watch silly entertainment, but years of the same content makes any new show less exciting. My participation on a show could bring fresh insights that would make the content better, thus increasing viewership. So Netflix, season 4 of “Single’s Inferno”? You know where to find me.          

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