Decoding blonde ‘intelligence’

November 18, 2008 — by Dorey Schranz

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

I have probably heard this joke about twenty times, and I still do not find it at all relevant.
As a blonde myself, I can appreciate little knocks at our intelligence level because—let’s face it—some of them are funny, but I will never understand this particular joke. Why is this poor woman maimed? And how did she climb the tree with one arm? If anything, we should have sympathy for her condition and respect for her dexterity rather than be plotting to have her fall and possibly break her now sole arm. Then what will she do for a living?

I don’t like this joke because instead of mocking blondes for being stupid or even sleazy (as some jokes of ill-repute do), at its core, this joke mocks us blondes for being nice. Yes, maybe it’s stupid that the blonde will let go of the tree to wave, but what she is really doing is trying not to snub someone who has taken the first step toward friendship.

As a blonde, I hear jokes like this almost constantly. Not only that, but my entire life has somehow turned into some sort of blonde joke. Like everyone else, I have my moments when I make comments that are more worthy of Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton (oh, the role models we blondes have!) than I would like, but I’ve noticed that these “blonde moments” get thrown back in my face a lot more often than in the case of those who have less appealing, I mean…darker, hair colors.

Even a simple question like “Are they really allowed to push each other over like that in football?” is met with groans and comments likening my IQ with that of a medium-sized rodent.

Not that I don’t sometimes use this to my advantage. When people expect you to be stupid, you can get away with almost anything and you receive praise for the simplest of acts. “Wow, good job double spacing this essay—I know it can be pretty tough sometimes!”

The best part of being blonde? I always have an excuse for anything ditzy or silly I say or do: blonde moment!