Sophomore Kunal Kathuria, then an 8-year-old going to school at Challenger School, sat quietly in the back of the car as his mother drove him home from school. He could tell something wasn’t quite right.
After what seemed like forever, they finally arrived home. Because the blinds had broken earlier in the week, the room was dark and obscure, amplifying the already tense feeling Kathuria had. Breaking the silence, his mother said, “Kunal, we need to talk.”
The next few minutes went by in a blur. He heard words like “it wasn’t working” and “we won’t all be living together anymore,” but he didn’t truly understand what these words meant and the impact they would have on his life.
Deep down Kathuria knew his parents’ marriage would never last — they had argued for as long as he could remember — but he never really faced the reality until his mother said the words “your father and I are getting a divorce.”
In the eight years since, Kathuria and his sister alumna Sarika Kathuria has lived in two houses and maintained separated relationships with his dad and mom. In the end, he said the divorce was positive. Through the ordeals of divorce, Kathuria was able to develop a greater appreciation of his family.
“Even though there’s two separate sides of the family, it still brought [the family] closer because there is no longer the constant fear that a fight would happen,” he said.
Though the divorce rate in America has been steadily increasing since the year 2000 — now about 50 percent — many believe that Indian parents do not typically get divorced. Kathuria’s case, however, defies that stereotype. According to Kathuria, many people in the Indian community look down on those who are divorced.
“[Some people said my mom] should’ve just stayed married and kept the family together,” he said. “Instead, she was different and decided to get a divorce, which is fine with me now.”
The first few months, however, were the toughest — every night, he expected his father to return home from work only to be continually disappointed when he never showed up.
After the divorce, Kathuria, his older sister and his mother moved to the house they live in now in Saratoga. His father moved into an apartment in Los Gatos, where Kathuria currently visits every other weekend.
“When I first moved to Saratoga and told people about the divorce, they would stay away from me,” he said. “I don’t think they really understood what divorce meant [because they were still young,] they just thought I was different.”
Kathuria said he had nobody to rely on for comfort in the beginning of the divorce.
“I just told myself, it happened and I have to move on,” he said. “This is one small thing in my life and many other kids have [had] worse things happen to them.”
Now that he is in high school, Kathuria said his peers are more understanding when he tells them about his parent’s divorce.
“[Now when I tell people], a lot of people [are] there for me,” he said.
Kathuria said the divorce also helped him become more appreciative of the people he loves. To Kathuria, his grandparents are a continual source of comfort through the ordeals of the divorce. He lived with them in San Jose for a few months and now views his grandfather as an inspirational role model and in a fatherly light.
“He came [to America] with $45 in his suitcase and he built the entire family up,” Kathuria said.
Just as a father would, Kathuria’s grandfather took Kathuria under his wing and taught him how to repair a door hinge and how to change a tire.
Recently, Kathuria has been staying with his grandparents more often, taking care of them and helping them around the house.
“Because they’re pretty old now, they need a lot more help with day-to-day things,” he said. “I help my grandpa fix things in the house and help my grandma cook.”
Although he at times feels alone and distant from his father, he is happy that the stress of seeing his parents fight is gone from his life and realizes that the divorce improved his character.
“It made me emotionally stronger and I'm able to move past the bad things in life and keep moving forward,” Kathuria said.