One day, as I struggled to stay awake during class, I decided to play with the paper clips that I kept (but never used) in my pencil pouch. Suddenly, I had a stroke of genius — instead of aimlessly stabbing myself with them, what if I honed my fine motor skills and channeled my artistic ability by bending them into rings?

I figured this was the perfect solution to my boredom. Paper clips are the most ordinary of school supplies — inconspicuous enough to smuggle into class without arousing suspicion, but entertaining enough to pass a monotonous period of world history. 

In the past, I have tried to occupy myself by folding Post-Its into wonky shapes, but it wasn’t the most thrilling thing in the world, and my paper creations had a serious flaw: They didn’t last more than a day. Paper is flimsy, and my origami usually ended up crushed in my backpack, where old worksheets go to die. 

On the other hand, rings made with repurposed metal are both sturdy and cheap — the perfect undercover classroom craft. Why would you spend $50 buying yourself fancy jewelry when you can DIY something faux-expensive? As someone who enjoys Costco samples as a delicious Sunday brunch, I can appreciate a bargain.

Besides, paper clips haven’t been used for their original purpose since the age of the dinosaurs. Every modern human I’ve met staples their papers together. 

So, I decided to recycle these museum antiques by crafting them into custom jewelry.

I grabbed a standard silver paper clip and began unfolding it. Within around two milliseconds of me trying out this new hobby, I realized something that most people probably already knew: Bending metal is pretty hard. 

Unfolding the paper clip took a great deal of effort, even more so to make it as straight as possible. I spent around five minutes trying to squeeze out the creases in the wire, but when I ended up with a sort-of-wiggly-caterpillar shape, I decided to lower my expectations a tad and just move on.

The next step was to loop the ring around my finger — theoretically in a nice, plump circle. I evened out both ends of the paper clip and pushed down at the center to create a smooth arc. 

Although I definitely tried, my fingers just aren’t a geometry compass. I ended up settling for a modern art-style oval, and began the most difficult stage yet: curling the ring’s ends in an aesthetic design.

There were infinite possible designs to choose for the ring’s center: a flowery vine or a twisted loop? A layered diamond shape or a curly spiral? 

Considering my lack of finger strength and my questionable results from the first two steps, it probably would have been the wisest to go for a simple loop. But if I was going to chase my dreams of becoming Saratoga’s master jeweler, I knew I had to be ambitious. 

I gripped the two free ends of the paper clip, twisting them into a knot at the top of the ring, and then tried to tuck the two pointy ends under the rest of the wiring without impaling myself.

This turned out to be significantly harder than the previous steps. The middle of the wire is somewhat (though barely) malleable, but the ends are positively lethal.

As I aggressively pinched the stubborn wire, I came to the sinking realization that my hands weren’t nearly as macho as I thought — a huge blow to my manly pride. My battle to dominate the paper clips and become the Lord of the Rings quickly became a matter of ego: Why weren’t all those piano arpeggios enough to whip my wimpy little sausage fingers into shape?

I was determined to finish the ring, and spent the rest of the period poking myself with the wire. Many audible “ows” later (much to the bewilderment of my classmates), I was done. 

Despite the lumpy shape of the ring’s bottom portion (no one needs to see that), the top turned out as a successful spiral loop — and I lived to tell the tale.

I spent the rest of the day obnoxiously shoving it up people’s faces. You got your silver ring for $20? Haha, I paid 2 cents! 

At the end of the day, however, I had to face the fact that although the ring was cute, my red, swollen fingers were not looking too hot. In reality, the ring cost me more than 2 cents — my fingers paid a far greater price. 

Overall, I’d say that creating paper clip rings is a worthwhile classroom endeavor for people with callused, pain-tolerant fingers, but for those with squishy, delicate ones, I would recommend buying copper wire from Home Depot or even splurging on a regular ring instead. 

As for me, my illustrious career as a jeweler has ended. I will let my wounded fingers retire in peace.