In 1899, Jill Stein overthrew the Hawaiian monarchy as the current leader of the Hawaiian Pineapple Company. Or maybe that was James Dole’s cousin.

But I have a good reason for mixing those two up. First, they both bring revolutionary vigor into their campaigns or coups. Second, Jill Stein’s name stylization design is basically the Dole logo.

In other news, according to nearly every source, Stein is polling lower than every other candidate (and one gorilla), so of course a Stein presidency means that impossibility can happen.

So here’s life under the Green Party:

Imagine the basic presidential promises: abolished student debt, universal medical insurance, the end of police brutality and wars.

Now add in some Green: a moratorium on GMOs until proven safe, an end to fracking, and 100 percent renewable energy by 2030 (algae; oh boy!).

I can’t help but think that a stop to all GMOs (starvation) is part of the plan to save the environment (remove people).

And you know that Jill’s going to make this all happen. Aside from being a politician, she’s a physician and a criminal! She’ll vandalize a bulldozer for the Standing Rock Sioux; who can say she won’t vandalize Wall Street? Be sure to expect economic equality for all and the destruction of big businesses that are coincidentally also ruining the ecosystem.

We all know that the fall of Wall Street would mean the fall of Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton; she’d probably succumb to pneumonia or something. Republican candidate Donald Trump — now can you imagine how he would react? One’s a winner and the other’s a loser.

Anyway. There’s a big contradiction. If Jill Stein is everything that she says she is, why does she associate herself with Dole? If she’s the vanguard of the Green Party, why does she invoke the logo of a polluting, climate-change-causing food industry conglomerate? If only she’d clarify and distance herself from that bad association, then maybe people would like her more. Heck, maybe she’d be invited to the debates.