When was the last time you chose to go out with your family over your friends?
Unlike many other teenagers today, sophomore Gloria Liou would have probably chosen to spend the time with her family. With her father working overseas in Taiwan, family time is of great value to her.
Liou is not alone. The trend of having one parent working overseas to generate an income for the family is a fact of life for many families in the area. Through this experience, students with a parent working overseas truly understand the value of family, since family time becomes a rarity for them.
“Family time is more valuable to my family since we only have the whole family together a couple times a year,” Liou said.
Liou, whose dad started working overseas as an engineer in China five years ago, sees him only once every four months. Liou and her mother decided to stay in America, because both she and her parents had already adjusted to the American style; her mother, coming to America for graduate school, feels more at home in the U.S. than in China.
“At first, my life became very difficult because he is the more ‘chill’ parent,” Liou said. “I wasn’t able to go out biking with him on the weekends anymore or play cards at night.”
In 2010, a survey conducted in a Romanian high school polled 202 students, staff and parents on the effects of having parents who work overseas. The most negative effect, the participants said, was the lack of parental support in the areas of academics and extracurricular activities.
“It’s really inconvenient sometimes because my mom works a lot, and she’s not always able to pick me up on time,” said sophomore Joyce Kao. “I usually end up staying at school or my dance studio for an hour after my classes end.” Her father has been working in Taiwan ever since she was born, and she only sees him twice a year.
Because of the rarity of contact with the parent working overseas, it is a common perception that the family is often disconnected from each other. This view was also demonstrated by the Romanian survey, where the participants’ second most popular answer for negative effects was the lack of affection from the working parent.
“Having my dad around actually feels more abnormal, since he isn’t back often,” Liou said.
However, both Liou and Kao say that despite the distance between themselves and their fathers, their strong relationship with their mother makes up for the absence of a father.
“My mom basically has to run the entire house by herself,” Liou said. “She has to send me to school, to lessons, buy groceries, cook and clean and do essentially everything by herself. I’m probably closer with my mom than most of the other students [are with theirs] in school.”
Despite the many obstacles, a positive trend in non-nuclear families with a parent working overseas is an increase in the child’s independence.
“I’ve learned to become a lot more independent, and I’m able to take care of myself while I’m home alone,” Kao said.
Liou said that she learned early on that her mother is not the only source of help.
“Since my dad isn’t home, and my mom is really busy, I do a lot of things by myself, and I have to be self-motivated for school and extracurriculars, since there is nobody there to push me to try my best,” Liou said.
Though Liou is now accustomed to her life in a non-nuclear family, she still envies the relationship that most students have with both parents that many take for granted.
“Students with both parents home are so lucky, but I don’t think they realize it,” Liou said. “Sometimes my dad is unable to come home for a major holiday, such as last year for Christmas, and while everybody else was having family gatherings, my mom and I [just] ate with family friends.”