1. If they misbehave, cook’em
Anyone up for rooster noodle soup?

2. Fresh eggs
Just wash off the poop first (yes the eggs that you bought did come from there…)

3. Fresh meat (axe not included)
Mike the headless chicken lived a year after his head was cut off

4. Buy two roosters and watch them fight for sexual supremacy
Couldn’t they just split up into nice even little couples? Then again, those horny little things will probably get a million divorces. Maybe it’s better that way.

5. Remove a rooster’s vocal cords
Apparently they sound like a cat choking on a hairball, but at least they won’t annoy your neighbors

6. Buy/make a chicken diaper and bring the chicken to school on a leash
It raises your cool points to unimaginable levels

7. Start a KFC
Too bad, Saratoga doesn’t let you

8. Free manure
Cockadoodle doody

9. Start your own farm
‘cause you’re definitely going to wake up at 4 to milk a cow when you could just have mom go to safeway

10. Make a bunch of lame chicken jokes
Why does Beethoven hate chickens? Because they always say “Bach, bach, bach”