As we conclude another successful, action-packed school year, we all have little wish lists for the summer or for the upcoming school year (or may be it’s just me). Having lived at Saratoga High for 16 unusual years, my mother has been living—I mean working here —since the end of the Ford administration. I have come to think of it as something of my own private mansion.

While I have come to accept that for some inexplicable reason you, yes you, freshmen keep coming back every year without invitation, I still and always shall think of Saratoga High as my home, dash it! And like any good homeowner, I have compiled a list of potential projects slated for the summer and they are as follows:

1) A new coat of paint. Really, I think it’s time we tell the Navy we don’t want their spare paint anymore. Probability of occurring: High

2) Rooms that actually fall within a range that could ostensibly be defined as room temperature. Who are we kidding? It’s much more comfortable to come to school with a whole costume department in tow for all the costume changes that are required. Seriously, some rooms are hotter than a pencil lead after an AP test, while the room right next door can be colder than Severus Snape. Probability of occurring: Medium. Simply put, there are a lot more pressing needs, like fully functioning lavatories than buying new air conditioning units.

3) Online scheduling for online scheduling for teachers assignments. Wouldn’t it be nice to have classes that don’t actively try to kill us? Who here enjoys having 4 tests, 1 midterm, 2 quizzes, 3 projects, and a performance all in the same week? I still can’t hear you. Still can’t hear you. That’s what I thought. Probability of occurring: Ehh, don’t push it.

4) The adaption of a full block schedule. Now this is somewhat of a divisive issue, with world languages and mathematics in one camp, and English, humanities, science, the arts, students and most other electives in the other. Probability of occurring: Forget about it, I haven’t seen the cooperation necessary for something of this ilk to succeed since Friends came on the air.

5) Parking. Probability of occurring: Medium, the administration is working very hard to try sort out the calamity that is now parking.

6) A rally schedule. Probability of occurring: Medium. This is essentially a special schedule with an extended period just for rallies. No, this isn’t a mythical creature; in fact just a short time ago, say seven years, this particular breed was alive and well. What happened to it you ask? Well it was taken from its preserve and summarily killed as a concession to the teachers in exchange for the prized block schedule. Win some and lose some.

7) More AP humanities. What happened to AP Euro? Probability of occurring: Low, but additional humanities had a decent shot until it came time for budget cuts, and who said Prop. 13 was a victory?

I realize that most of these demands are improbable and most are out of our control. All groups involved are trying their utmost to to resolve most of these issues, and some might actually be accomplished if we didn’t have to chase after Neanderthals who take enjoyment at smashing windows.

So as I celebrate the banishment of uninvited guests, I must settle down to the mundane fact that my summer will entail of the completely ordinary: drag racing Sparky (the Air Force One of Saratoga), nearly electrocuting myself, converting the P.A. into my private stereo, and watching movies in my private screening room.

This is by far an incomplete list, so if you have any suggestions send them in a letter to the editor at [email protected]