Have you ever been blinded by your teachers’ lethal guns during a lecture? Maybe you wonder how this teacher’s recent record in a specific lift faces off against the rest of their department. If so, you’ve come to the right place.
Each department nominated one to two teachers for the overall rankings, based on the candidate’s bench press (BP), front/back squat, and deadlift weights (DL) from the last two years. The composition of these scores have been measured against other departments to measure overall strength.
Student predictions
According to a poll conducted by The Falcon, nearly 30% of students predicted that the P.E. department will rank the highest.
“Despite having close competition like Mr. Davey, it’s pretty logical and realistic to guess that Mr. Ellis is the strongest, considering his career is focused just on physical education and fitness,” junior Patrick Keogh said.
Students predicted the science department to come in at a close second.
English department
“I have at one point, bench pressed 160 and deadlifted 285 and squatted a number but it’s been a hot minute,” said Mr. Rector, when asked for his PRs.
Unfortunately, the department was unable to nominate a teacher who had done any of the lifts recently. However, several teachers are active in other sports or ways, with Mrs. Ritchie in Pilates and Mrs. Keys as an active runner.
“Whatever Mr. Rector lifts, I lift twice as much in heels,” Keys said.
History department
Nominee: Mr. Davey
BP: 220
Back Squat: 225
DL: 235
I was sent in circles trying to find a teacher who would accept the nomination — each history teacher sent me to another.
Math department
Nominee: Ms. Patel
BP: 45
Front Squat: 55
DL: 135
Honorable Mention: Mrs. G.A. for her active participation as the girls’ basketball coach.
Science department
Nominee: Mr. Orre, Mr. Welander
BP: 220, 250
Back Squats: 285, N/A
DL: 435, N/A
Mr. Orre received recommendations from every department — not just science.
P.E. department
Nominee: Mr. Ellis
BP: 205
Back Squat: 275
DL: 315
Mr. Ellis does currently have a shoulder injury which he is recovering from — he would normally be able to lift more.
Music department
Nominee: Mr. Clark,
BP: 225
Squat: N/A
DL: 315
“My squats suck,” Mr. Clark said. “Don’t record them.”
While Mrs. Hasegawa herself did not contribute any scores, band and orchestra director Mr. Shiuan claims that she can bench and deadlift twice as much as Clark.
Foreign Language department
Nominee: Ms. Voorhees
BP: 75
Back Squat: 50
DL: 100
“Don’t pit us against each other,” French teacher Elaine Haggerty said. “We’re all strong.”
Overall Rankings:
Many of the teachers who were nominated in this story would likely earn more as a professional powerlifter than as a teacher (but let’s not tell them that). The science department came in with the overall win with the highest stats for all three exercises — deadlift, bench press, and squat. Anatomy and Physiology teacher Mr. Orre would be the best teacher to go to in any emergency weightlifting scenarios. Mr. Welander’s bench, higher than Orre’s, is also incredibly impressive.
Of course, honorable mention goes to the music department, where Mr. Clark has impressive lifts.
Most students thought the P.E. department would win, and while it is true that the P.E. department’s scores are collectively higher, individually, the science department did the best.
If you ever see any of these teachers at the gym, make sure to compliment them on their records — maybe even help them spot a few sets!
