Every school day, I see at least one of my friends emerge from the cafeteria holding a detested plastic container of what amounts to pre-chewed apples, aka, applesauce. The first time I saw a highschooler eating applesauce, I couldn’t help but think it was a questionable decision made to cope with their poor life choices. However, after prolonged exposure to this form of de facto baby food through observing these poor misguided souls — cough cough, my friends — my mild repulsion grew into a hotheaded hatred.
The mushy brain-textured snack evokes feelings of violence in me I didn’t think I was capable of. Call me a hater, but either eat the apple whole as it was intended or drink actual apple juice. It’s not that hard. If you see an appeal in applesauce, I am sorry to say you have lost my respect.
