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The Saratoga Falcon

The Saratoga Falcon

The Saratoga Falcon

Top 10: unathletic sports

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Amy Miao
Tired of sweating? Try the sports on the right!

10. Sailing

Tired of motor engines and smelling gas, but also tired of rowing and smelling sweat? Try sailing, an innovative and freeing approach to transport across the ocean. Try not to eat before you begin a race, though.

9. Pickleball

Pickleball is slow-paced tennis on a small court without any running. In other words, it is the quintessential old-person sport, especially for those who wear knee protection to the supermarket.

8. Fishing

“I’ve been staring at the edge of the water, long as I can remember, never really knowing why.” Well, now you know why. You want some fish. And you’re willing to spend hours sitting there doing nothing for that fish. As the saying goes, “Kiss a fish, make a wish.”

7. Golf

Who doesn’t love whacking things really hard? Couple it with the fact that you can just take a golf cart everywhere! They are environmentally friendly AND convenient! Vroom vroom. 

6. Bowling

Call this one a watered down version of dodgeball. Now, you don’t need to run or dodge. Instead of throwing you can simply roll the ball, and your targets don’t even move out of the way. 

5. Shooting

As humans evolved, so did our weapons. It started out as a sport requiring massive muscles to draw a bow-string with a weight of 80 pounds. Now all it requires is a working index finger.

4. Foosball

This is for those who wished they could play soccer — all you need is a pair of working wrists to spin plastic players to hit a 1-inch ball. That’s literally it.

3. Croquet

If you thought golf was too difficult, croquet is your best alternative. Hitting a ball three feet with a stick is definitely very athletically challenging, not to mention old-school. The only place most have heard of croquet is Alice in Wonderland. And you’re telling me this used to be an Olympic sport?

2. Shuffleboard

Another old person sport. It’s basically bowling with sticks, except instead of pins you hit pucks off a table. Moving pucks off a table with other pucks. You don’t even need to have operational joints to play this one.

1. Billiards

This one should come as a no-brainer. The only moving most people do in this so-called sport is walking to the bar with one of your buddies to buy yet another beer.

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