- How is newspaper?
It is sometimes best not to ask, because I do not need to tell you about my frequent arguments with a certain editor-in-chief in the middle of a spreadsheet check.
- How are your friends?
I don’t care how close you think we are — I am never going to discuss my many dysfunctional and toxic relationships with you.
- How are your grades?
Discussing Chemistry Honors grades — or any grade for that matter — should solely be restricted to my ranting to my friends.
- Why do you not visit us more often?
However I answer this, I am digging myself into a deeper hole.
- You’ve lost weight, have you stopped eating?
I do not want to converse about my eating patterns or my diet. We are here to see you. Say hello and go home.
- Have you been exercising?
This is no different than asking about my weight and eating. So again: Be quiet. I do not want to be judged by a middle aged adult about my body.
- Who do you think the next president should be?
Respectfully it’s probably not the same choice as you.
- Don’t you want to work in the tech industry?
No. I do not want to go to college, learn about computer science, make some money and die a semi-rich, lonely pervert.
- How are you?
No matter how I truly am, I will always be “good.” I could be on the edge, but I am still “good” to you.
- Are you dating anyone?
Hahahahaha. Go away. I am still alone …
