Dear Senior Class,

I am tired of hearing about your top school — which you probably won’t get into — or seeing your maroon red hydro flask with an obnoxious Harvard sticker because someone in your extended family went there a decade ago. And quite frankly, no one wants to talk to walking LinkedIn profiles at 8 a.m. 

No one wants to hear that you’re a National Merit Scholarship semifinalist. I understand that college applications are a very stressful time; however, competitive conversations and name-dropping are simply counterproductive. 

Is this article passive-aggressive and counterintuitive in itself? Undoubtedly. However, the Class of ‘23 needs a wake-up call — now, don’t get me wrong, I love complaining too (it’s one of my greater passions in life), but it’s time we give everyone a break once and for all. 

I offer a solution to this predicament: Choose one person you wish to share your application progress and struggles with, whether it be a family member, friend or counselor, and keep it that way. 

Seriously, please keep it that way because I will violently shake and convulse if I have to hear another “how do you show your creative side” UC essay pitch from another person I’ve never spoken to in my life. 

With that being said, good luck senior class! #weallbleedred #seniorpower

Sincerely,

Ally