- 60 hours of subpoenaed video footage from Mar-A-Lago
It’ll be interesting to see how many McDonalds orders arrive in that period of time. My guess is 19.
- Seven MAGA hats for Monday through Sunday
If I don’t have my MAGA hat ready for each day, we’re gonna have problems. In fact, I think everyone should have a MAGA hat for each day.
- Framed photograph of representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
I knew it! He was just too scared to talk to her in person, so he talked rubbish about her on national TV. But let’s be honest: Everyone secretly or not so secretly adores our queen and savior.
- A bust of Donald J. Trump because the White House definitely didn’t want to display it
Send it to Putin. I am sure he will put it in his personal office.
- 67 rejection letters from Hogwarts
Dude, you gotta give up — at one point, it starts becoming embarrassing.
- A viking hat made out of animal fur
Wait a minute. It’s giving me Jan. 6 flashbacks.
- A vial filled with former vice president Mike Pence’s tears
I would have cried each day if I had to work with Trump.
- A participation award for being president
It’s OK, you’ll do better next time. BUT, sometimes it’s just better to give up. Please give up. Please.
- An N95 mask covered with fake tan
Wait, where did the fake tan come from? I thought his skin tone was naturally orange.
- Nuclear codes stuffed inside a cup of McDonalds Coke
He’s a little too silly and goofy sometimes, and obviously doesn’t understand the meaning of “CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS.”
