Warning: Use at your own discretion. Results not guaranteed.
- Are you gorilla glue? Because I can’t get you out of my head.
Please help.
- You’re like Addison Rae’s song. I would never play you.
I guess you could say I’m “obsessed” with you. Wait, is that even the name of her song?
- Since all the hot ones are already taken, this is going to be your lucky night!
Could you actually call your mother to drive us to our date? Please tell her it’s urgent: young love waits for no one.
- Are you poop? Because even when you’re far away, I can smell you.
Make sure to take a deep sniff and take full advantage of your nose mobility when saying this one for optimal results.
- My mom told me it would be good for my self-esteem if I asked out people who aren’t conventionally attractive.
She’s right, my confidence levels are skyrocketing the longer I look at you.
- Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
On cold hard concrete at that.
- Let’s drink [water] together! You’re so ugly I dropped mine the moment I saw you.
My stomach hurts so much after seeing you that you owe me a glass to cool down. Of water, of course.
- I think I saw you on TV, hottie. Oh yeah, it was on Animal Planet.
Fortunately for you, I have a thing for monkeys and all things Zoo-related. Remember me when you’re famous, okay? Actually, can I get a paw-to-graph from you right now?
- To be honest, you reek! Do you want to shower together?
With our clothes on, obviously. Be sure to brush your teeth as well, I can still see and smell yesterday’s breakfast burrito in there.
- Are you a piece of trash? Because as someone who cares deeply about the environment, I am obligated to pick you up.
No need to thank me; I love doing charity work for free. Besides, it’ll look good on my college applications.
