Water. Ever important for human survival, we humans can’t last more than three days without this treasured resource. It follows that our water management should be as efficient and wasteless as possible.

After a quick taste of just some of the school’s water fountains, however, we discovered, to our surprise, that many of the school’s fountains were subpar. We reviewed every water fountain on campus in an hour-long quest to find water fountains equal in quality to the music building’s legendary and pristine bathrooms. We were off to search for the holy grail.

400/600’s fountain: This fountain is a classic dual uneven fountain.

Water quality: The water pressure is adequate for one user, but since both fountains source water from the same pipe, the water pressure drops when the second fountain is being used. Water tastes heavily of minerals, typical for unfiltered water fountains. 2.5/5 stars.

Student Center hydration station: It has lower mileage than some stations on campus at about 4,500 bottles filled, but filter status is red. 2/5 stars.

200’s fountain: Another old-school dual fountain. These are dusty to the point where students have drawn on it. When we checked, the lower fountain had a pentagram drawn on it, and the upper fountain has the word “blessed” written on it.

Water quality: Corrosion around the fountain nozzle, and the tap water taste is to be expected. 

1.5/5 stars, not much going for this one.

Wellness Center: Extremely clean for an uneven fountain.

Water quality: Water tastes less heavily of minerals, as expected, and pressure is adequate for the lower fountain, but slightly too high for the top fountain.

User-friendliness: Rails on the sides provide good support in case you lose your balance while you are drinking the water. 

3.5/5 stars, exceptional for an uneven fountain.

700/900’s fountain: Three-head bathtub style fountain. 

Water quality: Water tastes average, but the water pressure is peculiar. 

User-friendliness: The fountains are on a shared pipe, so using one fountain is far too high pressure. Using two, however, is just right. But three being used makes it too low. 

1.5/5 stars, the fountain is ambitious in efficiency with the increased number of fountain heads, but fails to perform. 

Robotics room fountain: EzH2O style fountain. Elegant construction, pristine, with a mileage of only 300 bottles.

Water quality: Despite looking so good, the water still tastes average. 

User-friendliness: Bottle filler is operated by a manual button push, but still has a nice laminar flow. 

3/5 stars.

000/library fountain: From the outside, this fountain looks like any other uneven style fountain, being a little bit dusty and tarnished.

Water quality: has exceptionally crisp water at an appropriate pressure, much better than the average tap water taste.

3/5 stars

Journalism Room fountain: This is an Elkay EzH2O style hydration station. 

Water quality: Water is very cold and dispenses at an appropriate water pressure. 

User-friendliness: Push-bars on the front and sides are tactile and responsive. Water bottle filler is sensor activated, has a mileage of about 16,000 bottles filled, and boasts a flow that’s rapid and laminar, though filter status is red. 

4.5/5 stars, not many flaws with this one. 

Music building fountain: EzH2O fountain, with two drinking fountains and one bottle filler. 

Water quality: The water marks everywhere indicate mineral-y water, and the poor tastes are to be expected. 

User-friendliness: 16,000 bottles saved on the bottle filler, but is very much lacking on its fancier design. 1.5/5 stars

Fountain outside girls’ locker room: Only fills bottles, and at an excessively high pressure. Water fills slowly and sprays on you. Terrible fountain but it kind of looks like an among us character.

1/5 stars.

Boys’ locker room fountain: Only one fountain and tastes worse than average. 0.5/5 stars.

Barrel fountain outside pool: Looks really dirty and water shoots really high. Really hard to drink out of but you can spray your friends pretty easily. 2/5 stars.

Outside pool fountain: Has a central bottle filler, and two fountains to its sides. Not functional at all, but it looks a lot like a cactus which is cool. 1/5 star.