When my Gold Level 04 soccer team merged with the higher level Champions Premier 03 Thorns team during the summer of 2019, I was ecstatic. My whole life, I worked hard to be good at soccer, and my goal was to make it to a high level team just below nationals that I could be proud to tell people about.

But my expectations were far from reality.

The first couple of times after I met my new coach, he was nice, attentive and remembered my name. 

But coming back from summer break was a different experience; he ignored me at practices, not looking my way or giving me advice and didn’t seem to remember my name. 

The feeling that my coach didn’t care or believe in me was a big hint that it wasn’t the right team for me, and that maybe, soccer wasn’t the right sport for me either. 

I had left my previous team because I believed I could play at a higher level. Sadly, I was leaving behind good friends. I believed that when playing soccer, being on a good team and actually winning games was more important than having close friends. Of course, I thought I would make new friends on the 03 team, but that was not the case. 

As I began to get to know the new players on my team, I could see the separation between the 03 and 04 girls. It took me over a month to learn the girls’ names since no one would talk to each other.

My coach didn’t help matters either as he wouldn’t talk to me or coach me during practice, but before playing me in the game, he would tell me how I wasn’t as good as the other players. This brought my motivation to play down until I began to hate soccer.

I had two friends on the team, but even they didn’t help me enjoy soccer the way I used to. I would barely play during games and always felt inferior to the other players.

Once I realized that I didn’t enjoy playing anymore and decided that this would be my last season playing soccer, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I did debate my decision to quit after putting seven years of training to be a soccer player, but I believed that if I’d been playing for that long and not improving or enjoying myself, soccer wasn’t the sport I was supposed to play.

The last couple games of the season, I played the best I’ve ever had. I began to enjoy soccer again, but I knew I couldn’t continue another season with this team. My coach began to compliment me, saying I had taken his advice, when in reality, he had never truly coached me.

Playing soccer showed me my true level of determination: I went from the worst player on my old team, to a bright and enthusiastic player. 

Soccer isn’t the sport for me, but it taught me so much about myself and my true potential. In the months ahead, I’ll start focusing on other sports and branching out so that I can explore my true interests in a different sport that I don’t have as much history in.