Top 10 ways to justifiably slap your friends

Graphic by Jonny Luo

10. Oop, there’s a bug on you! 

It’s an age-old classic for a reason. Those pesky mosquitoes! 

9. It’s a slapping competition. 

Don’t we all have a little bit of masochist inside of us? And I’m winning this competition. 

8. Stop sleeping in class! 

I know it’s almost second semester, but you can’t be doing this! 

7. Just slap ‘em.

Real friends won’t complain.  

6. This slaps!

After watching a particularly good Instagram reel, what’s better than slapping your friends? Even slang can have two meanings. 

5. Did you know pals spelled backwards is slap? 

And aren’t we just best pals? 

4. It helps you lose fat!

Haven’t you always wanted liposuction? I’m giving it to you for free! For every 10 slaps, you lose 1 pound of fat. Only 10,000 more to go! 

3. I’m pretending to be a TikTok thirst trap chef!

They somehow fit 50 slaps into their videos. Poor chicken, what did it ever do to you? :’( 

2. Let’s pretend I’m your mom…

You got a B+ on your last test?!?! Slap, slap! Don’t make me get the slipper! You’re grounded for two months! 

1. Is your head hollow? Let’s find out!  

Slap, slap anyone home? I think there’s some free real estate in here, and with Bay Area prices, who wouldn’t want to move in?