When a parent lives far away, students learn independence

Junior Angie Yang remembers the day she arrived in Saratoga three years ago.

Staring at their new house, she and her mother and young sister peered over the gloomy fireplace, checking for cracks. Her father was not there. He was still in China as a sales manager at Huashan, an investment company based .

Yang’s family decided to be live on two different continents because her parents wanted Yang and her sister to have a better education.

“My school in China was not very good; they didn’t actually teach anything,” Yang said.

Yang is able to live in America because she has a green card. Yang’s father visits about once every three months, so they only see him around 60 days a year.

With her father out of her life for most of the year, Yang has had to grow up faster and learn to be handy. She finds herself needing to complete chores like fixing toilets and changing light bulbs more than she would if her father were around.

Her father’s absence is hard on her mother and little sister. Yang often finds herself comforting her mother and helping her sister, who is now in eighth grade, with homework.

“I try to help out as much as I can because my mom feels alone all the time,” Yang said. “We call my dad often, but with the time difference, it is extremely difficult for us to even have a conversation.”

Yang also recalls times when a language barrier has affected her and her mother. Her mother speaks English, “but not really well.” One time when an electrician came, Yang’s mother argued with him for hours because there was confusion to as to what she was saying.

“Sometimes I have to help translate because my mom's English is broken,” said Yang. “For example, speaking to someone in English would take her 30 minutes, but would only take me 5 minutes.”

Junior Nicholas Zhang is in a similar situation. His family moved to Saratoga from China in 2012, but his father remained there for work. Now, Zhang sees his father twice a year — once in the summer when his family visits China, and once in the winter when his father comes to the U.S.

Like Yang’s family, Zhang's family moved to America for educational purposes. However, when his father is around, Zhang views his household as much more of a traditional family.

“When my dad spends more time with us, we are more lively,” Zhang said. “He takes us to places to play, and we feel more like a family rather than roommates.”

Additionally, Zhang’s mother isn’t home often during the day either; she spends much of her time working as a home loan agent at Bank of America.

Since it is usual for neither parent to be home, Zhang and his older sister, senior Catherine Zhang, have learned to lead independent lifestyles. This means that they have more freedom than other teens their age, but their day-to-day lives also include more chores.

“My mom just buys the groceries we need, and we need to cook them,” Catherine said. “We also perform basic chores by ourselves, since we basically have the whole house the whole day.”

Being home alone also made transportation challenging. Although Catherine now has a driver’s license, this was not always true of the past. Before, they relied on biking and public transportation to get to activities and classes.

Although sophomore Jolyn Tran does not face the challenge of her parents living in a different country, she does also lead an independent life while her parents are away working at their restaurants: King Noodle in Santa Clara, which serves a fusion between Chinese and Vietnamese food and Green Barn, an Asian vegetarian restaurant in Milpitas.

Since her parents both work many hours a day, Tran is not able to see them often, especially since she has usually gone to bed by the time they come home.

“It is kind of hard because I don't see them as often as I want to,” Tran said. “Most of the time, they’re at work until 11, and by the time they come home, I’m already sleeping.”

One of the only times Tran gets to spend with her parents occurs when they drop her off and pick her up from school, but even this commute is difficult for her parents to fit into their schedule.

Tran’s family is trying to change this situation and become more connected. This  has proven to be challenging.

Tran said her family is trying to plan a weekly dinner on Sunday, but it's hard because they have to accommodate for the schedules of her older sisters, who are 10 years older than she is.

Like other students with parents who work all the time, Tran has has had to grow up faster and be independent.

“It does give me all lot of freedom, because I basically get to do whatever I want without my parents knowing — but not in a bad way,” Tran said.