Sorry for flexing my parents’ two Teslas; it’s truly unintentional (really)

October 14, 2019 — by Jeffrey Xu

Vroom, vroom. Just kidding. My Tesla doesn’t even make that sound because of its silent instant transmission. Just kidding again. I don’t even own a Tesla. 

Normally, I drive a 2014 Acura MDX, which is still a nice car, but obviously, it’s no Tesla. 

Anyway, so I drove my mom’s white Tesla to school a couple of times, just to see how it felt. Big mistake.

It wasn’t to flex or anything. I just really enjoy the smooth acceleration, the feeling of going from 0 to 40 mph in under 2 seconds and the huge LED screen with built in GPS and vehicle distance detection. 

Soon after, my friends began calling me a “massive flexer,” which is totally untrue. I mean, just because I happen to occasionally drive my mom’s Tesla and sometimes my dad’s other blue Tesla does not mean I’m intentionally trying to flaunt it. I just really enjoy the ride! 

And it just so happens that the one time I go off for lunch in the Tesla, I run into 40 people I know at Safeway. Now they’ve seen me in the Tesla and just assume that I’m a massive flexer. 

Every time the topic of cars or parking comes up, the first thing I hear is, “Jeffrey Xu loves flexing his white Tesla!” 

The clowning becomes especially bad during newspaper. As editor-in-chief, I do my best to be a respectable leader to my staff, especially the first-year chickadees. However, with all my roasting, it’s hard for me to maintain that reputation. 

At this point, I’ve pretty much accepted that I can’t be an authoritarian leader. Rather, my staff sees me as the friendly EIC they can clown, but at least they see me as someone they can easily talk to and ask for help from. And honestly, I could be doing a lot worse. 

But who would’ve thought that unintentionally flexing my mom’s Tesla would lead to so much humiliation! I just really hope people understand that I am a truly humble human being at heart.

It was just such an unfortunate coincidence! I suppose my best course of action now is to keep lowkey, stay away from my parents’ Teslas for a hot minute and exude a more obvious aura of humility. But sometimes, I can’t help but want to take one of those bad boys out for a spin. 


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this is why the south bay is a cancer beyond treatment

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