Santa for a day? No way

December 9, 2016 — by Ryan Kim
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I peek around the corner of the building, scanning to see if anyone is there. Unfortunately, it’s lunch time and students are milling about, chatting about homework and school struggles. I take a deep breath, calm my nerves and walk out, my big belly flopping out in all of its blubbery glory.

This is not what I’m usually like. I’m actually quite underweight. But last week I was chosen by the editors to try to be Santa Claus for a day. Yippee.

Needless to say, my experiment went great — at least when it comes to the amusement of others. Stuffing my burly jacket into my red shirt and putting on a Santa hat, I waddled around school, giving out candy canes and yelling out generic Santa-like phrases such as “Ho ho ho” and “Merry Christmas.” All the while, I struggled to keep my paper tape-covered beard on straight.

Eventually, my beard fell off, so I decided to just roam about, huffing and puffing and wishing everyone happy holidays while giving out candy canes from suspicious locations. Everyone totally loved it, right?

Not really. Most people stared at me, confused and bemused, as I struggled to free candy canes from my butt pockets. Being Santa is really tough when most people try to avoid you as you waddle around, shouting Christmas phrases and throwing candy canes left and right.

Embarrassed out of my mind, my face took on its characteristic tomato-color, and I truly looked like “ruddy red-cheeked Santa.” My friends found me walking around, cheeks flaming red and bloated belly wobbling in the crisp December air.

“What are you doing?” they asked, laughing.

“Living the dream,” I replied, and went off, chuckling my customary Santa laugh.

I resorted to dumping my remaining candy canes onto my friend’s younger sister. Granted, that was only two candy canes, but it was awkward nonetheless.

All in all, I don’t think I ever want to be Santa again. As a high school student in a mature learning environment, I felt totally out of my age-level. No one actively participated in the charade and everyone was more skeptical and judgmental than thankful for my delicious candy canes. Next time, I’m going to be the Grim Reaper and demand THEIR candy instead. How do you like that, chumps?

I’m just joking. The experiment was actually a super fun experience to spread holiday cheer that I would love to repeat if everyone was more accepting than confused. I did, however, enjoy the confused looks on my friends’ faces as an obese version of myself ran around. I guess I’m not cut out to be Santa just yet.