Putting food in the communist locker: Social experiment scores low marks

It would appear that Joseph Stalin has returned from the grave, and through his Facebook account, is attempting to teach Saratoga students about the communist system.

Senior Charles Li is the mastermind behind this Facebook account and has only recently confessed to being “Stalin”; many people scratched their heads in previous years as they tried to figure out who Stalin was.

The Stalin persona has appeared on and off for about three years, sometimes encouraging communism and other times, implementing social experiments.

This year Li has introduced a new social agenda: the communal locker, which is a give-and-take system.  The locker, No. 277, is located near the library.

“It is a grand experiment, to embetter all the proletariats in our school, showing them that the Communist system can and will work,” Li said. “It is for the greater good of the school.”

Li announced his locker plan on his Stalin account’s Facebook status on Sept. 10.

“Locker number 277 (numbered after my famous order), holds a bounty that all hardworking, repressed students may take from. This includes food, candy and drinks,” “Stalin” wrote.

Li said that if people don’t put food in the locker as well as take from it, then the system will not work.

“You as a person deserve food when you are hungry and that cannot be taken away by the oppressive administration,” Li said.

Unfortunately, this social experiment is failing due to people taking far more food than they donated. Li has gone so far as to call them “kulaks,” affluent farmers during during the real Stalin's reign whom Stalin targeted for their wealth.

“Stalin” also publicly called them an “enemy of the school” on his Facebook page and claimed that “as with all counter-revolutionaries, the best option is forced labor in the copying room with the AC set to HIGH. To the good hardworking students who returned to the locker gifts such as Top Ramen, croissants and chocolates, you are all hero's of the Saratoga Unified (school district).”

“Stalin” said that students were taking food without contributing themselves.

“Regrettably, the Crime of the Commons is a trait most strong, so the Glorious Communal Locker has been dwindling on supplies. Moreover, the state is out of foodstuffs to keep the Workers’ Paradise alive,” said Li.

In keeping with his persona, Li has made other references as well. When someone spilled some Leninade, a specialty drink named after the communist leader, in the communal locker, he banned drinks and claimed it was due to a sabotage by Leon Trotsky, one of the real Stalin’s political rivals whom Stalin eventually had assassinated.

While some may take offense at these comments, Li said that the Stalin persona (the brutal dictator killed and imprisoned millions of his own citizens while in control of the USSR) was not meant to specifically offend anyone and it didn’t have that intention. Li also points out the fact that he doesn’t emulate Stalin because of his evil acts, but rather because of his communist ideals. Compared to Marx and Lenin, who Li considers idealists, Stalin reveals the “sad truth” of the state and as a result, is a better leader.

Li feels that the system of having different level classes, such as APs and Honors, is not equitable. Since communism promotes equality, the school should strive to break this injustice in the system, Li said

“I think we should all come together as one super-class, and all take the same classes and be in the same clubs, so that no one has an unfair advantage for colleges,” Li said.