Nice work if you can get it: Kim Kardashian for a day

The Kardashian clan is one of the most publicized families in the country, but how did they achieve this high status? To explore this, I had to determine who the head of the clan is. Of course, it’s the talentless daughter Kim Kardashian, with a net worth of $175 million. What exactly does Kim Kardashian do on a daily basis to maintain her fit body and her amazing empire that has captivated public attention for over a decade?

Following the daily routine reported in Harper’s Bazaar, I woke up at 6 a.m., three hours before I would usually start my day, since I don’t have a first period. Lacking my usual nine to 10 hours of sleep, my day started off pretty rough; I was tired and had trouble staying awake for a couple hours.

Next, Kim told Harper’s Bazaar that she checks up on her 4-year-old daughter North and talks to her. My only question is, what evil mother wakes up a child at 6 a.m.? Since I don’t have a child, however, I used the next best thing: a stuffed teddy bear. The article didn’t exactly specify what kind of conversation Kardashian and North have in the morning, so I improvised.

“So how’s your morning going?” I asked my very creatively named bear, Mr. Bear. Emulating my own exhaustion, the bear offered no response.

At that point, I realized I was having a conversation with a lifeless object, so I moved on to the next portion of Kardashian’s daily routine: a morning run.

After debating between taking a run in the freezing cold or staying in the heated house, I chose the latter and sat on the couch to watch television. There was no way I was going to go on a half hour run at 6:30 a.m., so I decided that my practice run with the track and field team the day before would count enough.

Finally, it was time for my first Kardashian meal: breakfast. According to Business Insider, her go-to breakfast is scrambled eggs with tomato, mushroom and onion. She has a personal chef who cooks all her meals for her, but I cooked the dish myself.

When I finally finished cooking, I was disappointed to discover that the eggs smelled like sweaty feet and tasted mediocre. I would never eat this again, and it definitely wasn’t worth the extra effort. Not only was this egg concoction smelly, but it also definitely didn’t fill me up enough and I knew I would get hungry later in the day.

I continued to read Kardashian’s routine and recognized a huge flaw: She has almost nothing to do. From 9:30 a.m. to 7 p.m., her entire schedule consists of just makeup, hair, blowouts or texting family. During these hours of her day, she presumably spends time managing her own company and creating good footage for “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” This time gap worked perfectly for me since I had to go to school.

Instead of doing my makeup at 11 a.m. like she does, I had to do it before I went to school. I quickly skimmed through her makeup routine on People and wasn’t shocked to read that the necessary products would cost a grand total of $3,000.

I don’t have $3,000 to spend on high-end, overpriced makeup, so I decided to make do with what I do have, which was some concealer, highlighter, foundation and a decent eyeshadow palette.

I decided the one thing I would try from her routine was contouring my makeup. Overall, it turned out looking terrible since I lacked the proper skills to do it. Not only did the excessive amount of makeup cake on my face, but it made my pores feel gross and clogged, and I knew I would break out the next day.

After school, I resumed Kardashian’s routine at 7 p.m., by making dinner. She told Bazaar that she eats vegetables and chicken or fish for dinner, though it didn’t specify anything beyond that.

I ordered a simple salad from The Counter and added chicken to it. I don’t usually eat this healthy, but I was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t just taste like bland leaves.

However, the salad didn’t exactly give me any type of energy boost or motivation, despite what Kardashian says.

After dinner I was looking forward to a decadent dessert. I presumed she must eat  dessert as a reward to herself for all that exercise and healthy eating. But I was wrong. She claims to rarely eats dessert. At this point, I was over this daily routine. No wonder she’s so fit; she eats virtually nothing unhealthy and works out way too much for my liking.

After this tiring day, it was time to unwind. Kardashian told Bazaar that she sits on her bed in a robe and does “some work.” I didn’t know what kind of work she could possibly be doing since she doesn’t actually have a job and has tons of people to take care of chores for her, so I decided to sit on my bed and write this article.

After about two hours of “working,” watching television and checking Ebay auctions, it was finally time to sleep.

I went into this wondering whether Kim Kardashian was the empty airhead many people see her as and I came out thinking that yes, she is. She practically spends her entire day doing her hair and makeup and browsing social media. She really is famous for doing absolutely nothing. Trying this routine made me feel pretty useless, since I spent all this effort for little result and little insight on how to increase my net worth to $175 million.