Don’t be jelly, we ruined mac and cheese

Simultaneously scared and excited, we regarded our culinary creation. A beautiful combination of condensed milk, table cream, multiple kinds of canned fruit we had trouble pronouncing, macaroni and cheddar cheese, the Filipino dessert salad looked like it might taste all right.

After the first bite, we decided that our preliminary judgement was so far off, we should never try our luck in Vegas.

A few days earlier, Nitya was browsing through the famous page, Subtle Asian Traits, when she came across a very interesting post with a fascinating food picture.

“Filipino pasta fruit salad – macaroni, tinned fruit, condensed milk and cubes of cheese *puking emoji*,” the post read. “Anyone else got a cultural dish they are ashamed of?”

Below was a picture of a macaroni salad that would look good if the ingredients to this “salad” were not spelled out above. The idea came up a few weeks later, and the two of us decided to abandon the safe foods we usually eat, and plunge into a food adventure.

Days later on a Saturday morning, Nitya went to 99 Ranch Market, an Asian supermarket, to get the necessary ingredients. She discovered while shopping that canned fruit came in many different forms. Staring at the shelf that stretched half an aisle long, she picked out the required elements — fruit cocktail with the classic combination of grapes, cherries and more undistinguishable fruits; nata de coco, a fermented concoction of coconut water in a solid, jelly like form; and kaong, sweet palm fruit. Unfortunately, she had to resort to Safeway to get the macaroni and cheddar cheese.

The recipe began with the combination of the thick condensed milk with the cheese-like table cream to create an mixture that chemistry teachers could only classify as heterogeneous, despite our best efforts.

The unfamiliar (to us uncultured spoons) jellies and fruits reeked as if they had been soaked in alcohol for too long and the condensed milk made the air around it sickeningly sweet. This combination was far from appetizing, so we decided to delay adding the cheese, which we thought would be the most trying part of this concoction for our unrefined taste buds. Boy, were we wrong.

Even though we put in only half the amount of condensed milk that the recipe called for, it was still the most overpowering part of the entire dish. Every bite had the consistency of surprisingly firm white fruit with a semi-solid jelly, combined with the soft squishy nature of the macaroni, all drenched in the sweet syrup.

After realizing everything was too sweet for our taste, we decided it was time to add in the final ingredient: cubed cheddar cheese. Before throwing the cheese into our mixture, we ate some first by itself as a palette cleanser, more scared than ever of what we had just created.

However, at first bite, we were pleasantly surprised that the cheese improved the dish. As weird as it sounds, the cheese actually combatted and broke through the taste of the powerful condensed milk. Our stomachs and mouths were able to handle the food, although our taste buds did not quite agree with it.

For someone who has an authentic recipe and access to a knowledgeable assistant to make the “salad” for them, this dessert might be a hit. Our feeble internet knowledge combined with our passable (at best) mixing skills left us with much room to grow, as well as a large tray of unfinished dessert. When brought to school the next day, the dessert repelled the usually hungry teenagers that spend time in the Journalism Room, and was even subjected to a timeout in the corner by students who wanted to use the table it was occupying.

The next time we try a recipe as unconventional as this one, we will make sure to do more research on the subject matter rather than an impulsive pick off of Subtle Asian Traits. The positive reviews that Nitya read in the comments were either written by people who had a miraculous family recipe, or by those whose taste buds were more refined to the flavors of the dish.

As for us, the next time we pick a dish to try, we will make sure to pick one not as … interesting.