Alumni reflect on so-called ‘tiger parenting’

In 2011, novelist Amy Chua shocked the nation in “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” with her list of activities her two Asian-American daughters were forbidden to participate in: sleepovers, playdates, choosing their own extracurricular activities, playing any instrument other than the piano or violin, and watching TV. Although critics criticized Chua both for her book and her parenting techniques, some SHS students found some parallels between Chua’s parenting style and that of their parents at home.

Although critics criticized Chua both for her book and her parenting techniques, some SHS students found some parallels between Chua’s parenting style and that of their parents at home.

“Tiger parents definitely do exist, because not all the stress of the students is from themselves,” sophomore Joowon Lee said. “It’s not like [the parents] got on a boat from China and immigrated to USA to have their kid get less than perfect.”

However, in retrospect, after leaving the intense high school atmosphere, some alumni now believe that tiger parenting may not have the “disastrous” effects that are sometimes linked to the parenting style.

UC Santa Cruz freshman Kristal Kung, who graduated from the school last year, said her parents were “tiger parents” as she grew up.

“My parents checked Aeries every day and asked me what happened for assignments and tests that were not full points,” Kung said. “I had curfews so that I could study more and raise my grades and keep them up.”

Kung said that the strict parenting did not end when summer started.

“Before summer started my parents would buy the next school year's textbooks, and I would have to study them during the summer,” she said.

Although Kung thought that her high school life was “tough” at the time, after entering college, Kung saw the advantages of her parents’ parenting technique.

“I think I really benefited from [my parents],” Kung said. “I learned to self-study and discipline myself on my school work and that's definitely paid off in college.”

For her part, though, Kung said she won’t be as strict with her own kids someday.

“I will definitely let my future kids know my expectations and try to lead them towards those, but I will try to be more lenient on ‘slip ups’ and give my kids more freedom to do other things, like hang out with friends and participate in extracurriculars, than I had,” Kung said.

Other alums said the label of “tiger parenting” only actually applies to a few parents.

According to 2011 alumni David Wang, currently a sophomore at Stanford University, his parents defied the Asian stereotype when it came to academics.

“[We] had very similar standards on what my goals should be academically, so there wasn't really a need for them to push me or provide any sort of positive or negative reinforcement,” Wang said. “They'd only get on my case if it was clear I was putting my studies too low on the priority list.”

Although this approach lacks the adult oversight characteristic of Chua’s successful “tiger parenting,” Wang sees many benefits from his family’s parenting technique.

“Putting a focus on having me take ownership in my own studies has encouraged me to maintain at least halfway-decent work habits in college,” Wang said.

A recent study titled “Does Tiger Parenting Exist?” led by Su Yeong Kim of Arizona State University tried to categorize parenting profiles in Chinese American families and analyzed the effects on the child. Over the course of eight years, the families were analyzed for eight parenting dimensions such as “warmth” and “shaming” and six developmental outcomes such as GPA and extracurricular achievements.

After sorting the parents into either the “supportive,” “easygoing,” “harsh,” and “tiger” categories, the authors discovered that tiger parenting was actually not as common among Asian-American families as widely perceived. Within the 444 families w participated in the study, only 25 percent of parents were classified as tiger parents. “Supportive,” the most common parenting type, was found in over half of the families.

Wang believes that “tiger parenting” is more of a mindset that students, not the parents, have.

“I think tiger parents do exist, but it's more a matter of a difference in the culture and dynamics between the parents and the children as opposed to an absolute attitude the parent displays on the child,” Wang said.