100-word rave: Celsius energy drink is my panacea

November 20, 2023 — by Beverly Xu
Graphic by Beverly Xu
Nothing would make me genuinely happier than a three-story high can of Celsius. 
The highlight of this semester so far has been my learning of the greatest source of caffeine of them all: Celsius.

My love for Celsius energy drinks cannot be overstated: It’s the only source of caffeine that has ever kept me awake past 11 p.m., other than a literal shot of espresso, which is only ever tolerable in a complete state of delirium. 

On dreadful nights when sleep resigns itself to a 2-hour nap from 3 a.m. to 5 a.m., Celsius is my fuel. And for those sluggish days, the drink’s fizziness prevents me from drinking it all at once, allowing it to last for a full day. 

Of course, I’ve had my experiences with occasional caffeine jitters and heart palpitations. I recall one physics class after lunch where I discovered the not-so-good effects of caffeine for the first time — shaking and overheating made my attempts to pull a spring scale with constant force essentially futile.

But after playing around with my Celsius intake for the past few months, I’ve discovered that about half a can is enough to get me through an otherwise wearisome day while fighting to keep my eyes open — and to keep me awake while I’m writing this story! 

In short, I may be drinking a bit too much Celsius; so I’m praying to the Celsius gods that the CDC doesn’t come out tomorrow with the headline: “Celsius increases risk of liver cancer,” or else I need to prepare some espresso shots.

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