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The Saratoga Falcon

The Saratoga Falcon

The Saratoga Falcon

Columnist’s guide to surviving California winters

Baby, it’s cold outside. Thus goes a classic Dean Martin holiday duet. In its very innocently tongue-in-cheek mid 20th century style it basically (and I’m paraphrasing here) is the man telling his female friend at his apartment that she shouldn’t go home, even though she knows she should. His reasoning? Well, it’s cold outside. She decides to stay and I think it can probably be assumed he takes advantage of her. Men. Even Mother Nature is working in their favor.

Yes, ladies, it is that time of year, again. The time when every girl needs a nice warm fire and a nice strong pair of arms around her to make it through these sometimes surprisingly harsh California winters. Watch out though, for most of the time those strong arms are attached to a man with abs of (but by no means a conscience of) steel. And with some especially deceitful guys, the fire may be least dangerous thing in the room.

Instead, follow these quick and easy ways to keep your body warm and your dignity intact.

1. Scarves. They aren’t just for covering up hickeys anymore! Cheap and easy to match with any outfit, they are a great way to keep your neck warm. Also, for when your morals escape you, a scarf doubles as a handy ladder to help you sneak out your bedroom window for a midnight meeting with that guy you swore was just a friend. That’s when the first use comes in handy again.

2. Hugs. What better way to warm up than by generating some nice, clean body heat and making some new friends along the way. After all, it’s the holidays—we could all use a little love! After the third or fourth hug, you will start to defrost! On a side note—hugs should not last more than three seconds. Just putting that out there.

3. Warm clothing. It’s really not rocket science—if it’s cold outside, put on a jacket. Yet, judging by the amount of clothing I see people wearing in the dead of winter, our API scores must be some kind of fluke. There is hope for the future; however, I am certain that when True Religion starts making thermal underwear, our cold and flu rates will disappear almost over-night.

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