Despite the two-week long break, I still felt tired after first semester. Maybe it’s because I did too much SAT practice on Khan Academy, or because I couldn’t stop thinking about that borderline grade that unfortunately dropped to a B+. Either way, second semester of junior year could be the hardest semester of high school.

I’m not ready, and I don’t think I ever will be, to take all those AP tests, the SAT (again), and then stress about applying to summer programs, procrastinating and eventually starting them a week before they’re due. Before junior year, I expected to suffer, and second semester is living up to its reputation for difficulty so far.

However, hours spent laughing at memes and scrolling through “siliconvalleyprobs” on Instagram keeps me from falling into a downwards spiral. Even though I know I always have something better to do, I still allow myself to take a break before I have the motivation to continue SAT practice.

Despite current seniors warning me about this year, I didn’t feel first semester junior year was that much of a jump from sophomore year. I had already expected the higher workload since I was taking more AP classes, but nothing more than that.

In recent weeks, though, I’ve felt the pressure of actually needing to know what I want to do in life. As more and more of my parents’ friends ask me about what lies ahead for me, the pressure of finding a “dream” college and major makes me want to cry.

My only consolation right now is I only have two more semesters left until I can finally be a second-semester senior.

The countdown begins now.