It is April of 2017, and by some unforeseen miracle (or “inside job,” as the now-disgraced Republican candidate Donald Trump claims), Gary Johnson, the 64-year-old Libertarian candidate, is now entering the 100th day of his presidency. He entered office in January, having won the November elections in a landslide. Rumor has it that most individuals at the polls simply checked off the “other” option besides “Hillary” or “Trump.”
So far, his tenure has been one long, jumbled contradiction.
Take his first major act as president: By executive order, he removed marijuana’s status as a controlled substance. Thousands of bearded ex-snowboarders living in the Colorado mountains as well as washed-out surfers in Santa Cruz rejoiced — the Republican party wasn’t quite as enthused.
Johnson’s own take was as follows: “Don’t do drugs.” He plans on applying the same restrictions that exist for alcohol consumption on marijuana use, leading to widespread protests from said ex-snowboarders and surfers.
Domestically, Johnson has struggled to work with a still-polarized Congress. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has oscillated between instant praise for Johnson’s willingness to sell himself to the NRA (National Rifle Association) and harsh criticism for his support of ending the War on Drugs. Reception among Democrats has been just as unpredictable — when House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was asked about her opinion of Johnson’s performance, she responded with one word: “Who?”
Adding insult to injury, Trump has affectionately labeled the president “Gassy Gary Johnson,” having been unable to remember a more complicated insult that started with a letter “g.”
Johnson has found one supporter, though. Former President Barack Obama has praised Johnson’s efforts to communicate his unconventional views to the American public.
“I love how a 64-year-old privileged WASP male is trying to reach out to a diverse group of young people through social media,” Obama tweeted. “#ImWithHim. #IStillDontKnowHim.”
But if his nicknaming is any indication, Trump’s reaction has been far more radical. After initially praising Johnson’s new budget plan, which slashed corporate taxes to virtually zero, Trump soon changed his tone. On “Good Morning America,” Trump declared his intention to found his own island with his supporters with backing from venture capitalist Peter Thiel, who attempted a similar project years ago.
“It’s a shame. Johnson is a loser,” Trump said in his announcement. “I’m building a place for winners.”
Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, fell off the national radar after she lost the election. Three weeks ago, People Magazine claimed to have spotted her throwing a cardboard box labeled “Private Stuff—Don’t Tell Fox News” into the ocean, but these photographs were soon revealed to be poorly photoshopped images of Bill O’Reilly wearing a pantsuit.
The Johnson administration declined to comment on these developments.
Internationally, Johnson’s policies have been equally difficult to pigeonhole. Obama was rumored to have made plans for a major house party after Johnson signed an executive order that loosened restrictions on Syrian refugees, but soon canceled the party after Johnson pledged to reduce U.S. involvement in Ukraine.
For thousands of registered Democrats and Republicans, understanding even the basic principles behind Johnson’s domestic and foreign policy has been virtually impossible. To communicate with the general public, Johnson has continued hosting biweekly live Facebook Q&A sessions. These frequently consist of Johnson reading off a list of prewritten plugs for his domestic policies, such as slashing healthcare funding for Obamacare, which hasn’t gone too well with Democrats, and protecting Planned Parenthood, which hasn’t gone too well with Republicans.
At best, these videos have marginally improved his recognition. In a recent poll, 53 percent of voters said they now recognized his face — a substantial jump from the 42 percent who provided the same answer just two months ago.
If nothing else, Johnson’s presidency has proven that American politics can still be boring even when the outside world is (both figuratively and, in parts of Syria, literally) on fire. At his best, Johnson speaks like a basketball coach trying to inspire a team losing by forty points with 30 seconds left to go. “I’ve climbed Mount Everest,” he declared. “I don’t quit.”
At his worst, he sounds like Wolf Blitzer.
Looking forward, the movement to elect Kanye West to the presidency has picked up steam. Hoping to permanently break the two party system, voters have now begun spamming Johnson’s twitter account with “#Yeezy2020” posts. By now, efforts to make Johnson a relevant voice in American politics seem increasingly futile — if winning the presidency still couldn’t get voters to learn his name, then nothing ever will.
