Having a cold is quite an adventure.

You’d think this “adventure” would stem from the unique nature of each sickness—after all, no two days off from school are ever quite the same. But no. Far more often, the “adventure” rises when my sickness turns my family life into a sitcom.

It generally starts with my mom gathering the entire family in the kitchen and issuing a formal declaration: “There will be no sharing of drinking glasses, eating utensils or towels!”

Additionally, I am required to use both hand sanitizer and wash my hands thoroughly with soap before using the computer, the home phone or the TV remote.

Don’t forget that the family affection levels dip during sickness. My family being quite an affectionate one, hugs are now frowned upon but still permissible. Kisses on the cheek during this period are unlawful in the Naqvi household unless an extremely emotional or passionate moment occurs.

My family has also preached on interaction with people outside the home during sickness.
Handshakes upon meeting with others are permissible, but mother and father Naqvi teach that it is better if they are replaced with a short comment, “I’m sorry, I have a cold,” which is replaced by an Urdu equivalent when meeting Pakistani family friends.

I am already somewhat of an awkward individual, so a strange refusal to shake hands often multiplies my awkwardness by a factor of 10. I generally shake hands anyway, assuming my hands are clean and ready for the social scene.

I must mention that I am no benefit to myself when I have a cold either. Upon diagnosis, I usually Google “sore throat remedies” and “nasal congestion remedies,” but am too lazy to try any of the methods the links provide me.

For example, I see suggestions such as “use water with eucalyptus oil” and wonder what kind of hippie house this guy thinks I live in. Where am I supposed to get eucalyptus oil?

At school, having a cold can be pretty awkward. I try to blow my nose by the trash can instead of at my seat, but my in-class nose-blowing is rarely productive. In order to not sound like 30 simultaneous whoopie cushions, I generally don’t blow my nose with all my might.

It may be that having a cold can be a pretty stressful time, especially when it interferes with academics or sports, which it sometimes does for me as well. However, differences in the norm are desirable as well, and life when I have a cold is quite different, to say the least.