Nicole and Divya, Divya and Nicole. What a pair, yet how opposite we are. Nicole thrives in the bright warmth of the day, while Divya is a night owl of the highest order. However, we refuse to be divided by our differences — rather, we are united by our innate, primal hatred of the disgusting excuse of a vegetable: onions.
We have been shamed and threatened by our closest confidants over an opinion we have every right to hold. For years, we have tolerated this brutal treatment, but now we have decided to take a stand. Let it be known that whoever has the audacity to ever ask: ”But why? Why do you hate onions?” will be the newest addition to our hit list.
Divya draws the line at cooked onions
My brother has presented this particular question countless times in my life. Yet, how does one explain a hatred I knew to be true, before I even knew my own name? My answers to him range from “I just do; I can’t explain it” to “stop talking to me, or I will step on your foot.” Why is my simple dislike so controversial to so many? Why does it need justification?
I admit that I enjoy the occasional chopped raw onion in my guacamole. It provides a subtle but needed crunch to an otherwise texturally simple dip. However, I draw the line at eating cooked onions, in any dish. I cannot even critique their taste because I do not even believe there is one. However, the texture just rubs me the wrong way. Stringy and weirdly chewy, cooked onions are the final boss of useless ingredients.
Nicole cannot accept even a sliver of onion
As you take a bite into your perfectly crafted Chipotle burrito, dipped in guacamole, a burst of flavor proliferates throughout your mouth as you melt in content. Suddenly, you taste the strong, rancid, putrid tang of a purple onion — pungent enough to render the rest of the burrito inedible, but chopped finely enough it would take at least 10-minutes to search through the glop of guacamole and laboriously pick them out one by one.
Whoever says onions taste good has to be lying. But the worst part of this species of vegetable is the sharpness of its flavor. Even when I’m trying to just enjoy a cup of guacamole or salsa with my nachos, I can’t ignore its acidity.
We rest our case — and give onions 0 out of 5 Falcons. Cooked or raw, they’re the world’s most overrated food.
