Angela Tan

Instead of only one yapper dominating the conversation, now multiple yappers can!

No matter what class you’re in, from English to calculus (yes, it happens in STEM classes, too), there’s always that one kid who can’t stop “participating.” They raise their hands a few times before just letting themselves free to talk at every opportunity possible. Too often these types of classmates dominate discussions with mostly empty, unmeaningful words: hence the term “yappers.”

Just like AP Lang, the deeper the conversation sounds, the better. Certified yappers use sophisticated vocabulary like “perspicacious” and “sycophant” to make sure nobody actually understands what they are talking about. Still, the room fills with confident nods and audible “mhm’s” because it sounds like the conversation is going somewhere and is beyond the comprehension of those with a normal level of intelligence.

Instead of yapping in important class discussions and hindering the entire class’s progression, how great would it be to create a Yappers’ Club? It would get approved by ASB in lightning speed, that’s for sure — the Yappers’ Club Founders just need to prepare a 26-minute long, thorough presentation without a slideshow, talking about no memorable information at all and tiring out the poor club commissioners. Wouldn’t that be the strongest proof of their ability and overqualification for a high school club?

Club meetings would occur every single day because of how desperate the officers and members are to complete their daily required number of exchanged words, not the information exchanged, just word count. The meetings are held in Socratic-style, fishbowl seminars to resemble the setting of a class discussion, but this time there are no participation limits for yappers.

Of course, the Yappers’ Club Officers have to keep a first aid kit on hand. Some members might get too heated in a conversation, and verbal or physical conflicts may occur. Join the Yappers’ Club at your own risk! And fight it out like real soldiers among the most elite of your kind!