- Standing Desk Bike ($229.99)
It can be hard to balance your time between school and physical activity, so simply balance on this bike! To use this product, you must be an apt multitasker who can write with the utmost focus while pedaling furiously. It’s a great deal 一 exercising while getting homework done 一 what more can you ask for?
- Wild Animal Feed ($18.99)
Do you long to see the cattle, deer and turkeys — that can be found very frequently in Saratoga — at your doorstep? Purchase this wild animal feed to attract them to your house; however, one reviewer emphasized that this product is toxic to rats, so you may want to spray some peppermint or eucalyptus around it to keep them away. Or don’t 一 it could be helpful if your house has a rat problem.
- Hand Squirrel ($8.62)
What better item to buy for yourself than a squirrel hand puppet? It can be quite boring to have the same old hands every single day, so this product provides some nice variation. It’s perfect for climbing trees and making dogs bark, if you’re into that sort of thing.
- Bug Vacuum ($25.99)
Spiders are extremely scary, but at the same time, it can be guilt-ensuing to squash their innocent, gentle souls, only to feel its guts soak through the tissue onto your hand. This device easily sucks up any bug without you having to actually squash it.
- Chip Finger Covers ($16.99)
Sometimes it’s too tiring to get up from the couch and wash your hands after eating chips, so these finger covers are really helpful. They also prevent your fingers from getting stained. Eat all the Takis and Flamin’ Hot Cheetos you want, then simply remove the finger covers to keep your hands spotless.
- Weight Loss Bracelet ($39.99)
This product developer claims that just wearing this bracelet can cause you to lose weight using three different stones. The Red Tiger Eye supposedly speeds up your metabolism, the Amethyst helps with detoxification and the Sunstone is simply so uplifting that it can motivate you to work out. Pretty much all the reviews praise the beauty of the bracelet, but I have yet to find a customer that was successful in losing weight by wearing it.
- Edible Dehydrated Zebra Tarantula ($29.99)
Tarantulas are supposedly rich in protein and zinc, so they are perfect for an afternoon snack to fuel you for the rest of the day. Since they are such an exotic snack, they are a little on the pricier side at $30. Some of the reviewers complained that it’s too dry, but if one of you tries it and it’s good, I may be willing to pay the price.
- Karaoke Earbuds ($52.21)
Some people like singing their hearts out, which is good for them but most likely not for people listening. These earbuds are specially designed with an attachment for you to sing into so that only you can hear your voice.
- Electric Shock Pencil ($6.50)
This is the perfect April Fool’s Day gift. You can give this to a friend before they take a test 一 the shock should calm their nerves a little and expend all their stress at once. Or as junior Lena Aribi says, you can live in John Green’s shoes for a day.
- Grow a Boyfriend ($4.97)
Are you single, but afraid to mingle? Order a boyfriend instead! For under $5, you can soak this 2-inch piece of rubber, and grow a 12-inch man for yourself 一 pretty close to a life-size boy, I’d say. And if the relationship doesn’t work out, just throw him away.
