- Coronavirus. That is, if he doesn’t already get it from visiting every house in the world.
- Nothing. Maybe the real gift was the friends we made along the way.
- Something. It’s a Secret, Santa.
- A GPS. I mean, he can’t seem to find my house every year.
- An unpaid high school intern. They’ll do anything as long as it goes on their college resumes.
- A search warrant. You know, to prevent future breaking and entering charges.
- New reindeer. The average lifetime of a reindeer is only around 15 to 18 years. How is Rudolph still alive?
- A therapy session session. It’s always “Where’s Santa?” but never “How is Santa?”
- Your college application. Wait, do colleges even do mail in apps anymore?
- Coal. Give him a taste of his own medicine.
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