Vroom vroom. Just kidding. Kevin’s Volvo doesn’t even make that sound because we are not moving. The traffic on De Anza Boulevard has become unbearably slow with all the road work.

During our lunchtime adventures, we try to hit our favorite restaurants to buy some affordable and delicious food. Key word: affordable. We’re looking at you Saratoga High School hot lunch. $3.50 is way too expensive for a thin slice of pizza dripping in oil. 

For example, one time we decided we wanted to eat some Chipotle. We went to the Chipotle on De Anza Boulevard because it’s less crowded than the one near Westgate. We always order ahead, so we can make it there and back without breaking speeding laws in about 30 minutes with a standard deviation of about 3.89 minutes. Pretty solid if you ask us. 

So we’re driving along, and all of a sudden we see this big orange sign that reads “Road Work Ahead.” Ironically, the road ahead did not work. We inch along in traffic as we yell cuss words and threaten to “skippy pop pop” some people if we don’t make it back to class on time (“Call of Duty: Mobile” has really been influencing our daily lives.) 

We were getting pretty worried, since we had AP Government/Economics after lunch. Our teacher, Mr. Abe, hates when you bring food into class and you’re also late. If you’re on time, you can eat your food in class. If you’re late, he confiscates it and gives you a big lecture about how you should be taking care of your body with nutrients and not eating junk food. 

Anyway, in order to make it back to campus on time, we had to take measures into our own hands. We swerved through some cones, much to the construction workers’ frustration, sped just a tiny bit and made it back to campus just on time to sprint to Mr. Abe’s class. Perfect. Now we could eat our Chipotle and chill while the rest of the class was doing notes. 

To the construction workers: we appreciate your hard work, but please tell your bosses to schedule it for some time later in the day or earlier in the morning, and then reopen all lanes on De Anza during lunch time. There’s enough bad traffic as it is.

To the downright disrespectful fools merging at the last second, you best believe that if we’re the ones in the car when you try to cut us off, you’re either not merging into our lane or we’re crashing. We have nothing to lose. Kevin’s Volvo is older than dirt. Using a supply and demand graph, Mr. Abe would probably tell us that Kevin’s Volvo is worth three pennies and a half-eaten Dorito. 

Sincerely,

Los tres amigos