Top 10 ways to survive Valentine’s Day

February 6, 2019 — by Rohan Kumar and Oliver Ye

10. Buy yourself a gift. Who needs someone to buy you a gift anyway? You’re an independent high schooler who is …. broke.

9. Eat a lot of candy. Live in a sugar-induced state of bliss for a day so you won’t notice how single you are.

8. Write your significant other a handwritten note. It’ll show you care more than a typed letter, even if the only thing you scribble on it is “Hi”.

7. Give your heart to someone you care about — or at least a kidney. Organ donors are highly respected in our community.

6. Learn how to play the cowbell. The beautiful sounds that the cowbell gives off when you violently smack it under a windowsill will truly reflect your love for your partner.

5. Learn how to play some Beethoven on the piano. Make use of your forced childhood lessons to do something romantic.

4. Watch a romantic movie. By yourself. At home. With ice cream.

3. Distribute a penny to each of your friends. When they reciprocate the favor next year, you can finally say you received Valentine’s gifts.

2. Play a lot of Brawl Stars. What better way is there to spend Valentine’s Day than with your true love?

1. Get a Hershey’s kiss. It’s a decent substitute for the real thing.