The scoop on the school’s new hash browns

I love the smell of greasy hash browns in the morning. Most students would gag at the thought of eating school food, but for me, the cafeteria is an oasis of sustenance in the morning hunger pangs and sleepiness of tutorial.

Waking up at 7:40, leaving at 8, arriving at 8:13 and sprinting to AP Statistics at 8:15 doesn’t leave much time for breakfast. But who needs a home cooked breakfast, or even a banana on the go when the hot school cafeteria food beckons to me after the painful starvation of first period?

I rush out and jump into the cafeteria line, eager to be have the first pickings at the hot morning foods. Hashbrowns, in particular, are a blessing sent straight from the heavens. Each 50 cent package takes me straight to flavor town while providing me with all the essential nutrients to take on the day: fat and carbs. After all, fat is energy and carbs are power. That’s just science.

Pro tip: Put some hot sauce from the soup line onto the hash brown for a truly euphoric experience.

Even proer tip: Place a single hashbrown in between a sausage and egg croissant to treat yourself to a luxurious $3 breakfast extravaganza.

But alas, such a blessing is short lived. School hash browns run out faster than the metaphorical hotcakes the cafeteria should be serving (hint, hint).

It pains my heart to think that so many students at this school have not experienced the crispy starchy joy of a school hashbrown.

Or maybe it’s just the heartburn from all those hash browns.

Still, if I leave this school with only one major contribution, I sincerely hope it will be my tireless crusade to increase the quantity of hash browns served at tutorial.