Top 10: ways to seem smart

September 20, 2022 — by Parav Manney
Photo by Eric Shi
What you’ll look like after reading this.
People won’t take you seriously unless you’re intelligent; therefore, it is integral that you fake your smartness to gain respect.

10. Use big words for simple things

Only an uneducated buffoon would say “I’m off to go get a jug of milk.” An academically inclined scholar would instead remark “I shall proceed in the direction manifested in my embryo of reason and therein endeavor to acquire the liquid lactated by the biological structure possessing a wealth of digestive mechanisms.” 

9. Always pointlessly debate

It doesn’t matter whether your arguments make sense. Simply follow suggestion No. 10: Use a bunch of fancy words and people will automatically believe you’re winning.  

8. Blast classical music in the library

Make sure the volume is at max. While you listen to it, do your homework or anything else that looks like work. Everyone will be amazed by your sophistication.

7. Pretend you’re taking hard courses outside of school

“Oh yeah, yeah. Calc BC’s pretty easy actually — I did that when I was, uh, age 4. I did multivariable in middle school. Right now I’m taking real and complex analysis at MIT and Stanford.” Instant respect. 

6. Stack 10 philosophy books on your desk

You don’t have to actually read them. People will admire your excessive intellectual prowess just by looking at what encumbers your workspace.

5. Write a bunch of random equations in your notebooks

They don’t have to make sense. They just have to look “mathy.”

4. Sign up for every honors and AP course

You don’t have to do well in them. People will just look at your schedule and presume you’re some super genius. 

3. Never study for tests

If people see you studying, they’ll think you’re stupid like everyone else. Just pray at night.  

2. Wear glasses

It adds to your legitimacy, and also makes you look cool.

1. Say tests are “easy”

Even if you always score the lowest on tests (which you do, because you’re not that smart), just make up some macho ego for yourself. While everyone is desperately asking around to make sure they got the right answers, you’ll just be sitting there with a beaming smile on your face.

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