Top 10: ways to fake having friends June 5, 2022 — by Christina Chang Photo by Anjali Pai My motto is ‘fake it til you make it’ — it’s cliché because it works.Editor’s note: Please know that this story is in no way indicative of whether I have friends. The suggestions in this story do NOT necessarily stem from personal experience. 10. Lose all your friends You can’t fake having friends unless you actually don’t have any. 9. Talk about all your friends Nobody has to know they’re actually nonexistent. 8. Pretend you’re on a phone call as you walk across campus You’re just having a busy social life with your mom. 7. Stand next to a group of people and face them From far away, it looks like you’re talking with them. Bonus points if you pretend to stare at your phone so you won’t make eye contact when they look at you awkwardly. 6. Join clubs When you attend club meetings, you’ll automatically look like you’re friends with a group of people. Maybe it’ll even get you accepted into Stanford. 5. Do homework during lunch Nobody will question you. It’s a perfectly acceptable excuse for not socializing: You’re being that stereotypical, studious Saratoga kid, or you’ve simply procrastinated on your homework — either way, people won’t think you’re just a loser. 4. Learn Photoshop Photoshop other people into photos with you to make it look like you have a social life. 3. Specialize in poor photography Take oddly-cropped photos. There’s people just out of the frame; you’re being an incredibly considerate person trying to protect their identities, of course. 2. Take close up shots of your face with little to no background, post it and add a vague caption like “So excited!!” People won’t know whether you’re excited to go to Hawaii, Disneyland, downtown Saratoga or the local supermarket. 1. Throw a Hail Mary: Embrace not having friends — maybe even make it painfully obvious Thanks to reverse psychology, people will assume you’re only just saying that, but you actually have a ton of friends. If that doesn’t work and people actually believe you, it’s not all a loss — some extrovert is bound to pity and adopt you. 9 views this weekAbout the contributorsChristina ChangChristina Chang, Class of 2023, is an Editor-In-Chief of the '22-'23 Falcon staff. Previously, she served as a Sports Editor and local events beat writer for the '21-'22 staff and a Reporter and Layout Artist for the '20-'21 staff. During her time with The Falcon, she covered community news like the breakdown of city budget allocations and the first Blossom Festival post-COVID; wrote a series addressing mental health; profiled teacher friendships amid the pandemic; reported on the return of in-person learning and sports after shelter-in-place; and authored a narrative reflecting on her own basketball journey of eight years. Christina was named one of four finalists for Youth Journalism International's 2023 Student Journalist of the Year and one of seven finalists for the National Scholastic Press Association's 2022 Writer of the Year. She has received 23 journalism awards at the international, national and regional levels; her works have been recognized by Youth Journalism International, National Scholastic Press Association, Journalism Education Association of Northern California, Scholastic Art & Writing Awards and Santa Clara University. To further her journalism experience, she attended workshops during summer 2022 hosted by the Columbia Scholastic Press Association, California Scholastic Press Association and Stanford Daily. She will fondly remember The Falcon as a highlight of her high school years, and will forever cherish the memories created during monthly deadline nights, enjoying catered food and chatting with fellow staff members while rushing to finish each print edition. Outside of the J-room, she enjoys getting involved in the community through volunteering with local nonprofits and school clubs as well as exploring her interests and creativity through art.