Top 10 ways to avoid COVID-19

September 9, 2021 — by Allen Luo and Preston Fu
Some tips to save a trip to the ICU.

10. Become an introvert. Instead of contracting viruses in real life, you can use them to achieve world domination in Plague, Inc.
9. Hold your breath. You can’t inhale any pathogens if you’re not breathing, right?
8. Move to Alaska. Maybe you might finally bump the population there into the double digits while having your own 50-acre plot of land.
7. Wear your mask. A piece of cloth is objectively more comfortable than plastic tubing in your nose.
6. Don’t eat in the student center. Still, kudos to whoever put the chairs as close together as possible.
5. Stay away from 5G phones. The faster downloading speeds will make you more susceptible to a COVID.exe installation.
4. Drop all your friends. Interacting with no one will ensure that you won’t get any virus transmissions.
3. Report a runny nose. Screener-19 will immediately send you to the safe haven called home.
2. Build your 123Movies collection. Going maskless in a theater is out of style. Just microwave some popcorn and watch from the comfort of your home.
1. Get vaccinated. Jokes aside, actually get the shot. It’s the only sure way to get through this thing.

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