The struggles of being unfunny

Photo by Hannah Lee and Stephanie Sun

Have you ever wanted to write a backpage story for the school newspaper but you couldn’t because you just KNEW you weren’t funny enough? We admit, it’s probably not a universal experience, but trust us, it happens to us every six weeks ― awkwardly sitting in our fifth row in room 303, trying to think of a good backpage idea. 

But we’re self-aware. The issue is that we lack a sense of humor and we’re lacking it right now as we write this. You may be laughing at how cringe this is but all we can think is: What is the backpage editor going to think? Like, “Dang, they really weren’t kidding. How is it possible that these people are so unfunny?”

“So you know how there’s a scale between being funny and cringe?” junior entertainment editor Atrey Desai said after reading our intro paragraph. “This story is leaning toward funny but it can become cringe real quick.”

Ignoring that, we continued writing.

“Backpage should take like 30 minutes to write,” the editors-in-chiefs said during spreadsheet check. “These stories should go by quickly if you’re funny.”

And then there’s us. It’s like our fourth day working on this story, so that should definitely tell you something about our abilities to be funny. 

“Well, I believe that you guys can be funny,” junior web editor Martin Xu said, with our fingers held up to his head like a gun.

So you may be asking, how unfunny can they possibly be? Well, if the first few paragraphs haven’t made it clear enough, pretty unfunny. It’s not even the room-goes-silent bad — it’s like awkward laughing to get us to shut up. Or us just laughing at our own jokes to fill the silence and the odd stares that come in a failed attempt to be funny. Play it off, act like you weren’t being serious.

“I really relate to what you’re saying,” junior in-depth editor Shreya Rallabandi said. “Hahahahahhahahahaha.”

At least we’re relatable.

“If you don’t use a quote from me, I will hunt you down and write it in all caps so it looks like I’m shouting,” junior chickadee Shannon Ma said, adding no real substance to the story. “Actually don’t use that quote; I have a new one: This story is all over the place but that’s what makes it a masterpiece.” 

After seeing the popularity of our story, senior in-depth editor Esther Luan immediately wanted in on the fun. “Can I stage a quote for you guys?” she asked.

Our complete reliance on other people’s quotes makes for a funny story, but adds to the growing list of evidence about our own unfunniness. 

“Have you ever eaten a clock? It’s time consuming!” Xu said. “It’s funny because it’s like a play on words. Time consuming means something takes a lot of time, but consuming also means eating something, so time consuming could also mean eating time, or eating a clock. Get it? I thought it was funny at least.” 

It was not. 

Just like this story (and us).