The most important holiday of the year: my birthday

Merry Birthday to me.

Without a doubt, I proudly proclaim my birthday (Dec. 26), with its worldwide celebrations and traditions to be the greatest holiday of the year.

Let’s be real: My birthday is the most celebrated holiday of the year. On Christmas, better known as Beverly’s Birthday Eve — it’s even an (almost) alliteration — 309 million people in the U.S. gather around to give each other gifts, build spiced cookie houses, fill the streets with festive music and best of all, clump snow into cute, humanoid figures: all in preparation for the next day, my birthday.

“We wish you a merry birthday. We wish you a merry birthday. We wish you a merry birthday, happy birthday Beverly!” the music from your local grocery shop goes during this special time of the year.

On Dec. 26 at 9 a.m., I wake up and frantically scramble out of bed only to realize that there is no school. Every year, I’m so grateful that the district decides to give students an entire two weeks of break just to mark my momentous coming-of-age. Unbelievable, right?

On my birthday, people feast on Christmas foods that have been specially fermented in the fridge for over 24 hours, light the first of seven Kwanzaa candles for an additional week of festivities and those in Commonwealth countries eat leftovers. Oftentimes, people around the world travel to visit family and reunite, so that they may better honor the birth of a saint; the saint being none other than me, of course.

However, I must admit that my birthday isn’t always all sunshine and rainbows. And no, not just because it’s winter. For example, people always seem to travel away from me to go winter vacationing, and the ones who stay often give rather odd gifts. One year I received cookie cutters — which, dear mother, I’d like you to know that I’ve never been particularly proficient at baking cookies. There were also socks, a camera tripod and, oh lord, bras for someone (me) who’s flatter than the cookies I can’t make.

But all jokes aside, I believe that everyone’s birthday should be their own most important holiday of the year. Don’t be modest; if you’re not going to celebrate your own birth, who will? Your existence is worth celebrating for, so don’t be ashamed to let people know what the best holiday of the year truly is.